Please help me correct my sentences (about Banking)!

[nghuongan]

Dear,

Please help me correct grammar and word choice mistakes on my sentences (about Banking)

1. The personal account in Vietnam has not been popular as the convenience of this account such as cheque, electronic payment… is applied in a few transaction offices.
2. A savings bank is a bank, which encourages people to save by accepting small deposits.
3. Depositing money in a bank is much safer than keeping it at home.
4. If you have a bank account, you can apply for loan from your bank easily.
5. Deposit account and saving account are the simplest bank account. The customers can deposit and withdraw according to their demand.

Many thanks!

Regards,

 

[emsr2d2]

[STRIKE]Dear,[/STRIKE]

Please help me correct my grammar and word choices [STRIKE]mistakes[/STRIKE][STRIKE] on[/STRIKE] in my sentences about banking.

1. [STRIKE]The[/STRIKE] Personal accounts [STRIKE]in Vietnam[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]has[/STRIKE] have not been popular in Vietnam as [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]convenience[/STRIKE] convenient facilities [STRIKE]of this account[/STRIKE] such as cheques and electronic payments [STRIKE]is[/STRIKE] are [STRIKE]applied[/STRIKE] available in only a few [STRIKE]transaction offices[/STRIKE] branches.
2. A savings bank is a bank (no comma required) which encourages people to save by accepting small deposits.
3. Depositing money in a bank is much safer than keeping it at home.
4. If you have a bank account, you can apply for a loan from your bank easily.
5. Deposit accounts and saving accounts are the simplest bank accounts. The customers can make deposits and withdrawals [STRIKE]according to their demand[/STRIKE] whenever it is convenient to them.

Many thanks!

[STRIKE]Regards,[/STRIKE]

See above. My amendments are marked in red.

 

[nghuongan]

Thank you so much:-D