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  1. Alicati's Avatar
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    #1

    Emergency! Please could you help me revise my essay and give me some suggestions?

    Hi everyone, I am new here. I am Ali, and I am from China. Recently, I am learning English and I think it is interesting! I would like to make friends with your guys!Now, I am writing a acdemic eassy. Because english is my second language and I live in China (There are not many people who speak english), I am not sure if I use it correctly. Thus, i am here for asking help. Would you mind helping me with my essay. I really need your advices such as grammatical mistakes, sentence structure or precise volcabulary.Thanks very much.


    Topic : Places where people live and work
    Compare and contrast attitudes towards students working part-time between China and America.

    The surrounding seems to influence our decisions when students are trying to seek a part-time job. Chinese students and American students have different attitudes towards part-time job. China has a bigger population in than in America’s, so there is a more intense competition of part-time job in China (Country Comparison: Population). Chinese students have less chances and success to get a part-time job than American students. Students’ attitudes are often impacted by parenting styles, institutions of schools which effect students to plan working hours,and the personal degree of understanding expectation(dream) and reality. All the three factors can account for the differences occur between the U. S. and Chinese students when they are considering or seeking a part-time job (China's high school students do least part-time work, 2008).

    Parents often play an important role in shaping their children’s attitudes of part-time jobs not only in China but also in America. In China, it is a family virtue that students are supposed to be filial with parents’ instruction. Parents often want to plan for their children and ensure everything happens as they expect. Also, Chinese parents pay special attention on their children’s grades in school. Parents often think studies are the most crucial things for students rather than getting a part-time job. Sometime, parents will think that part-time jobs may distract their children. However, the situation is different in U.S. In general, American students rely less on their parents. Americans value independence and individualism since young age. American parents do not hold their children so tightly. Parents often give advices rather than directly telling what they should do. Students in America prefer to regard the family institution as a part of their values and personal improvements. At the same time, it is a popular thinking that children would like to consider a part-time job when they are not staying at school (Andrew J. Fuligni, Vivian Tseng, and May Lam, Attitudes toward Family Obligations among American Adolescents with Asian, Lain American, and European Backgrounds).


    Also, because Chinese school system differs from America’s, Chinese students seem to have less time to find a job than American students. It means that Chinese students spend more hours at school. First, it will be a hard dilemma between going to schools and working. Every day, Chinese students need stay at least ten hours in school, and students need at least one hour to finish schoolwork. If some schools require the class on Saturday or night study, the situation will get worse. There is a simple calculation. If the school hours (including class on Saturday, 60hours/W), sleep hours (70hours/W), and also eating hours (around 1.5hours/D) are subtracted, Chinese students just have about 27.5 free hours left in a week. The outcome shows the limitation of time to seek a job among Chinese students. When Chinese students consider about getting a part-time job during school days, they tend to hesitate to spend precious time part-time a job. However, the condition is contrary in America. It seems much better. If we calculate in the same ways (includes class on Saturday). U.S students have 45.5 free hours left in a week which is almost double than the former. (School Directory)


    Thirdly, when Chinese and American students consider about the difference between the reality and expectation, Chinese students seem to be idealistic, and American students are more down to the earth. It is difficult for Chinese students to find a job because of their over expectations. Chinese students have a generally stereotype thinking - if students study harder and get higher diploma, they could find a great part-time job. However, good diplomas do not bring everyone their dream part-time jobs because offering jobs can not match the demand of part-time jobs all the time. Conversely, when American students find a part-time job; they usually consider their own real ability and what part-time job they can do. Thus, American students get more possibilities to get a part-time job which is suitable for their own condition, and then they would like to have more interest in getting a part-time job (Sleep Patterns and Sleep Problems Among School Children in the United States and China, 2005).


    In a word, family obligations, social trends, and personal expectations mainly influence different attitudes among Chinese and American students towards student working part-time.
    In a wide point of view, the reason why Chinese and American students have different thoughts about part-time jobs is they live in different circumstances. The different surroundings may affect individuals have different thoughts when students try to find a part-time job. Chinese students prefer to spend time on study rather than getting a job. However, as for American students, they would better try to accumulate social experience by getting a part-time job.

  2. emsr2d2's Avatar
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      • English Teacher
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    #2

    Re: Emergency! Please could you help me revise my essay and give me some suggestions?

    When do you have to submit this essay to your teacher/tutor?
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  3. Alicati's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Emergency! Please could you help me revise my essay and give me some suggestions?

    10th,JAN.

    Whoud you mind helping me? Please

  4. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Emergency! Please could you help me revise my essay and give me some suggestions?

    We don't help with homework or assignments. Your teacher needs to know the standard/level of your English without any help. Your teacher does not need to see how well I can write in English. Submit your essay at the best level you can write it on your own and wait for it to come back from your teacher. If you don't understand any of the teachers comments or corrections, then come back to us and we will try to explain them.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

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