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  1. #1
    Ashiuhto is offline Senior Member
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    A story of nobody

    Please help me check the following paragraph. Thanks!

    A Story of Nobody / Somebody's Story

    That day in the Taipei Main Station Hall, three police cops with two video cameras were roaring at a drunken vagrant, intending to drive him out of the hall for fear of spoiling the view/sight and business. The vagrant, with a bottle of beer in his hand and vomits by his side, just sat on the floor. The cops dared not to come near him, just standing 5 meters away from him to collect/gather evidence. I was on the sidelines for about one minute. After I caught on/realized the situation, I came close to him and squatted down. I put my hand on his shoulder, but it was shaken away immediately. The next time, I tried to put my hand on his shoulder again and asked him what made him if he was in bad mood that caused him to be drunk. He responded to me the money he earned by selling/picking recycled paper was stolen, so he was depressed. I hit lightly on his shoulder and said, “Let’s go outdoors to talk and come up with some ideas to solve the problem.” To my surprise, he unexpectedly said yes. I attended him walking out of the station hall and we sat at the corridor outside of the Main Station. I treated him to eat my tea leaf eggs and steamed buns, listening attentively to the stories of his life. It came to be known that if we want to influence somebody, we should squat as low as his height, so that we can enter the world of his life.

  2. #2
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Re: A story of nobody

    Quote Originally Posted by Ashiuhto View Post
    Please help me check the following paragraph. Thanks!

    A Story of Nobody / Somebody's Story

    That day in the Taipei Main Station Hall, three police cops with two video cameras were roaring at a drunken vagrant, intending to drive him out of the hall for fear of spoiling the view/sight and business. The vagrant, with a bottle of beer in his hand and vomits by his side, just sat on the floor. The cops dared not to come near him, just standing 5 meters away from him to collect/gather evidence. I was on the sidelines for about one minute. After I caught on/realized the situation, I came close to him and squatted down. I put my hand on his shoulder, but it was shaken away immediately. The next time, I tried to put my hand on his shoulder again and asked him what made him if he was in bad mood that caused him to be drunk. He responded to me the money he earned by selling/picking recycled paper was stolen, so he was depressed. I hit lightly on his shoulder and said, “Let’s go outdoors to talk and come up with some ideas to solve the problem.” To my surprise, he unexpectedly said yes. I attended him walking out of the station hall and we sat at the corridor outside of the Main Station. I treated him to eat my tea leaf eggs and steamed buns, listening attentively to the stories of his life. It came to be known that if we want to influence somebody, we should squat as low as his height, so that we can enter the world of his life.
    I have underlined the problematic areas. The issues are either with grammar, verb choice, tautology or simply wrong choice of phrase.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  3. #3
    Ashiuhto is offline Senior Member
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    Re: A story of nobody

    That day in the Taipei Main Station Hall, three cops with two video cameras were roaring at a drunken vagrant, intending to drive him out of the hall for being afraid that spoiling the view/sight and business. The vagrant, with a bottle of beer in his hand and vomit by his side, just sat on the floor. The cops dared not to come near him, just standing 5 meters away from him to collect/gather evidence. I was on the sidelines for about one minute. After I understood the situation, I came close to him and squatted down. I put my hand on his shoulder, but it was shaken away immediately. The next time, I tried to put my hand on his shoulder again and asked him if he was in bad mood that caused him to be drunk. He responded that the money he earned by selling/gathering recycled paper was stolen, so he was depressed. I patted lightly on his shoulder and said, “Let’s go outdoors to talk and come up with some ideas to solve the problem.” He unexpectedly said yes. I accompanied him walking out of the station hall and we sat at the corridor outside of the Main Station. I treated him my tea leaf eggs and steamed buns, listening attentively to the stories of his life. It came to be known that if we want to influence somebody, we should squat as low as his height, so that we can enter the world of his life.

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