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  1. #1
    sirajud is offline Newbie
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    Default please correct me...

    His name was Aleem and he was an only child. Unfortunately war split out between two tribes and consequently many innocent people have lost their lives. Horizon of his town has covered by smoke of burning houses and human bodies .Aleemís town which was a paradise on the earth in his eyes, became a village of terror and bloodshed.
    Aleemís parents were very worry regarding his safety. But didnít know what to do. There is no way to go and no place to refuge. Because after long wait and hard struggle they founded a job and had settled down in that place. So they want to stay here and also they want to see the tree of their hopes to be thrive.
    They like this area because they want to live, die and burred over here with the side of their parents grave.
    But on the other hand they were very worry and want to leave this place before any calamity dropped over their life.

  2. #2
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: please correct me...

    Sirajud, when does your essay have to be submitted to your teacher/tutor?
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  3. #3
    sirajud is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: please correct me...

    On thursday 18/01/13

  4. #4
    emsr2d2's Avatar
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    Default Re: please correct me...

    That's great. Then you have until 18th January to do the best you can. Your teacher wants to see your work, not ours. We do not assist with homework. You need to submit the best essay you can. After you get it back from your teacher with the score and the corrections, you can come back to the forum if you have any queries about the corrections.

    Good luck with your essay.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  5. #5
    sirajud is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: please correct me...

    please can you just teel me if it is ok or i have to change some my writing .

  6. #6
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    Default Re: please correct me...

    Quote Originally Posted by sirajud View Post
    Please can you just teel tell me if it is ok OK or do I have to change some of my writing?
    You need to do some more work on it.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  7. #7
    sirajud is offline Newbie
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    Default I rewrite it please can you tell me now do i needsome more work or not?

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    You need to do some more work on it.
    His name was Aleem and he was an only child. Unfortunately a war split out between two tribes and consequently many innocent people had lost their lives. Smoke of burning houses and human bodies has covered the horizon. Aleemís town which called a paradise on an earth became a village of terror and bloodshed.
    Aleemís parents were very worry regarding his safety. But donít know what to do. There was no way to go and no place for refuge. Because after long waiting and hard struggling they founded the job and has settled down in here. So they want to stay here for ever and also they want to see the tree of their hope to be thrive.
    They like this area because they want to live, die and burred over here on the side of their parentís grave.
    But on the other hand they were very worry and want to leave this place before any calamity befall over their life.

  8. #8
    emsr2d2's Avatar
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    Default Re: I rewrite it please can you tell me now do i needsome more work or not?

    As I said, we can't help you with homework. You can't keep posting new versions here and hoping that we'll make corrections and amendments.
    It still needs more work but, for now, I am closing this thread. Come back to us and open a new thread when you get your work back from your teacher if you don't understand any of the teacher's corrections.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

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