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  1. #1
    thielean is offline Newbie
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    Exclamation Non-academic essay - Comments highly appreciated ! ! !

    Hi guys, I'm an economics student at the University of Cologne and I would like to improve my english. I believe that reading quality papers and writing résumés thereof can be very productive and as I don't have many English native friends, I would highly appreciate if someone of you would read through my essay and communicate your thoughts on it. THANKING YOU IN ADVANCE!!!

    The article ‘View from the bridge‘, written by an undisclosed author and published by The Economist on January 19th, is an informative English-written article, which deals with one of the most important ports in the United States, namely the one in Long Beach, its implication on global seaborne trade, its delivery of crucial insight information on the economy and its potential future outlook.

    The port in Long Beach accomodates after neighbouring Los Angeles the second most important port in America, with nearly 5,000 vessels arriving in 2012. Recent environmental regulations have impeded older vessels to approach Long Beach, thus paving the way for bigger vessels to pull in in their stead.

    Increasing spending over $5 billion between Long Beach and Los Angeles in the infrastructure of their respective ports is reflecting 1) the dwindling airborne share on trade as seaborne trade systems’ efficiency increases, and 2) the effort to provide state-of-the-art and top-notch technical facilities that are able to receive ever bigger and more technologically advanced vessels.

    As the Asian countries were integrated into the global trading system throughout the 1990s and 2000s, container traffic at Long Beach has more than doubled since and is expected to grow further in the future; The increasing share of agricultural products exported from the west coast due to rising levels of wealth abroad underline this. In addition, the establishment of free-trade agreements can greatly impact trade volumes, provided the global political elites take the necessary actions.

    The United States has been dealing ever since with a persistent trade deficit. In the past 12 months, however, the American export sector managed to grow by 38%. President Obama called for a doubling of American exports within the next five years, and there is serious prove that this wasn’t just hot air: As the extraction of natural gas by hydraulic frackering in America advances and oil and gas imports decrease, more independent energy policies can be decided upon by the Obama Administration. The fact that Asia is one of the most important importers of LNG (Liquid Natural Gas) worldwide confirms the positive trade/export/market outlook.

    The president of the Long Beach Container Terminal is convinced, that the port is well prepared and up to the task to stay the „preferred gateway“ to American consumers, though there is growing concern whether this will really be the case. For one, the expansion of the Panama Canal and the settling of ports eastward and in the Gulf of Mexico may have a negative effect on Long Beach, even though some suspect that this will rather depend on the canal’s fees and the port’s capacities. For another thing, China is intensifying trade relationships with Brazil and South Africa, and this can indeed cause trade volumes to drop sharply as the ports of Los Angeles and Long Beach greatly benefited from rising Asian imports in the first place. Furthermore, dwindling offshoring and the concentration of production capacities in the homeland is certainly gonna lessen foreign exports.

  2. #2
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    Grumpy is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Non-academic essay - Comments highly appreciated ! ! !

    Quote Originally Posted by thielean View Post
    Hi guys, I'm an economics student at the University of Cologne and I would like to improve my english. I believe that reading quality papers and writing résumés thereof can be very productive and as I don't have many English native friends, I would highly appreciate if someone of you would read through my essay and communicate your thoughts on it. THANKING YOU IN ADVANCE!!!

    The article ‘View from the bridge‘, written by an undisclosed author and published by The Economist on January 19th, is an informative English-written article., which It deals with one of the most important ports in the United States, namely the one in Long Beach, its implication on global seaborne trade, its delivery of crucial insight information on the economy, and its potential future outlook. [Too long a sentence. Additional sentence to indicate a pause between elements on a list]

    The port in Long Beach accomodates after neighbouring Los Angeles the second most important port in America after neighbouring Los Angeles, with nearly 5,000 vessels arriving in 2012. Recent environmental regulations have impeded older vessels to approach from approaching Long Beach, thus paving the way for bigger vessels to pull in in their stead. [Standard English usage]

    Increasing spending over $5 billion between Long Beach and Los Angeles in the infrastructure of their respective ports is reflecting 1) the dwindling airborne share on of trade as seaborne trade systems’ efficiency increases, and 2) the effort to provide state-of-the-art and top-notch technical facilities that are able to receive ever bigger and more technologically advanced vessels. [Standard English usage]

    As the Asian countries were integrated into the global trading system throughout the 1990s and 2000s, container traffic at Long Beach has more than doubled, since and is expected to grow further in the future;. The increasing share of agricultural products exported from the west coast due to rising levels of wealth abroad underline this. In addition, the establishment of free-trade agreements can greatly impact trade volumes, provided the global political elites take the necessary actions. [Better English usage. Better to have shorter sentences. Do not use a capital letter after anything other than a full stop.]

    The United States has been dealing ever since [when?]with a persistent trade deficit. In the past 12 months, however, the American export sector managed to grow by 38%. President Obama called for a doubling of American exports within the next five years, and there is serious prove that this wasn’t just hot air.: As the extraction of natural gas by hydraulic frackering fracking in America advances, and oil and gas imports decrease, more independent energy policies can be decided upon by the Obama Administration. The fact that Asia is one of the most important importers of LNG (Liquid Natural Gas) worldwide confirms the positive trade/export/market outlook. [Missing date. Underlined passage does not make sense; what about "and there is a serious effort to prove.."? Spelling of "fracking". Better to express the second underlined passage in the Active, rather than Passive, sense, eg "the Obama Administration can decide upon more independent energy policies."]

    The president of the Long Beach Container Terminal is convinced, that the port is well prepared and up to the task to of stayremaining the "preferred gateway" to American consumers, though there is growing concern whether this will really be the case. For one, the expansion of the Panama Canal and the settling establishment of ports eastward and in the Gulf of Mexico may have a negative effect on Long Beach, even though some suspect that this will rather depend on the canal’s fees and the port’s ports' capacities. For another thing, China is intensifying trade relationships with Brazil and South Africa, and this can could indeed cause US trade volumes to drop sharply, as the ports of Los Angeles and Long Beach greatly benefited from rising Asian imports in the first place. Furthermore, dwindling offshoring and the concentration of production capacities in the homeland is certainly gonna going to lessen foreign exports. [Standard English usage. Don't use that type of quotation marks in written English. "Settling" ports is not normal usage. More than one port, therefore plural possessive, ie ports'. "Could" rather than "can", as it is your supposition. You must make clear whose trade volumes may drop. "Gonna" is slang. Don't use slang in a serious piece of work like this.]
    I have made some corrections in strike-through and red, and I have given my reasons in green after each paragraph. You have done a very good job indeed, and I congratulate you. Gut gemacht!
    I'm not a teacher of English, but I have spoken it for (almost) all of my life....

  3. #3
    thielean is offline Newbie
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    Talking Re: Non-academic essay - Comments highly appreciated ! ! !

    Quote Originally Posted by Grumpy View Post
    I have made some corrections in strike-through and red, and I have given my reasons in green after each paragraph. You have done a very good job indeed, and I congratulate you. Gut gemacht!
    Thank you very much Grumpy, this helps me out a lot!!

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