I have replaced several commas with periods (full stops) to correct run-on sentences. These corrections are not easy to see. Watch out for them.Dear Teacher/s,
I need help with my motivation letter for the erasmus project because it is my last opportunity to take part to the programme. Could you please correct it and give me some advice to make it more persuasive? It's really important for me. Thank you.
Dear admission officers,
I am writing because I would like to apply for the Erasmus programme for the 2013/2014 academic year. My name is Marzia X. I am currently studying at the University of Bologna. I'm doing a Postgraduate degree in Modern, Compared and Postcolonial Literatures. I come from Matera, which is a very small town in the south of Italy and I did my undergraduate course in Bari, a larger city 60 km from Matera. Unfortunately I have never had the possibility to spend a long period of time abroad because I worked for the whole period of my undergraduate course and it was impossible for me to make a journey longer than one week. I worked for Federal Express, an international courier. I quit my job when I had only five exams left because when you have to work the whole day, it's really tiring to study at the end of your working day, especially if you have to write a thesis. Fortunately my parents supported me.They knew I have always dreamed of being a translator and they appreciated the efforts I had made in years studying and working for four years at the same time.
I graduated in Foreign Languages from the University of Bari on the 15th of March 2012 and my dissertation's topic was The Scottish Language. I went to Scotland three years ago just for a brief holiday but I was so impressed by the language spoken by Scottish people that I decided to deepen my knowledge of it, in order to show the differences between Standard English and Scots Language. Studying a period abroad would be a valuable tool for my future. It would be a necessary experience if I want to realize my dream. Moreover, studying in the UK would give me the opportunity to carry on with the studies started in Scotland, because I could get in touch with the British culture and I could have ("a" deleted) direct contact with another local dialect, an area of study which has always fascinated me. My first option is Bristol because apart from being a ("an" replaced) highly regarded university in Britain, its excellent courses meet my academic needs. They deal with 19th and 20th century studies, the study of identities and colonial and postcolonial studies, disciplines which are perfectly in step with my postgraduate degree. The five months in Bristol would offer ("to" deleted) me the opportunity to discover another way of thinking and to try the British teaching system in which the student's involvement is certainly greater than in our Italian system. It certainly will enable me to broaden my mind.
Thank you for your attention