I have moved your post to the Editing and Writing Topics section which is more appropriate.
Take a look at your punctuation. Several times, you have put a space before a full stop or a comma, which is incorrect. At one point, you have also put a question mark followed by a full stop and not followed the full stop with a capital letter. Decide whether you want to capitalise the word "fate" or not.
When do you have to submit this practice piece to your teacher?