Re: Gently request to check my statement of purpose
There is no point in going over this Statement of Purpose in any detail until you have drastically reduced it in size. You have been asked to produce an essay "of up to 200 words". That means it may be fewer than 200 words, but it must not be more! The whole point of setting an upper limit on the number of words is to see if you have the ability, and the discipline, to include everything you have been asked for, and absolutely NOTHING irrelevant.
What do I mean by "irrelevant? That means such phrases as "I was full of excitement and ambition to start my university studies,";"I was even more excited"; "I still hope and believe that someday I’ll achieve my aim. I believe that during the aforementioned period.."; "it’s been my dream job since I was a kid, also my parents wish to see me as a Doctor and I would love to make their wish true one day";and, last but not least, "I have always thought that Medicine is a very honorable profession, since it seeks to help those who need it the most. Human body always caught my interest, in school I always loved the biology class, I think this makes it the perfect job for me. I hope someday I can give the hand of help to who needs it and maybe help find a cure for some serious diseases and serve my community".
I'm sorry if I appear to be dismissing what you have obviously put a lot of work into, but you MUST re-read the instructions: "In an essay of up to 200 words, describe your plan of study and/ or research you propose to pursue and relate this to your future career plan.", and do exactly as you have been asked; otherwise you will waste your time submitting this application.
Finally, you asked about the part that says (You may include additional relevant material for which there was insufficient space on this form). Presumably, the application form had many other sections which you had to fill in. Perhaps the space in some of the sections was not large enough for you to include all of your qualifications, or interests, or work experience for example. If there is something that you really wish to include in the form, then you may put it in the essay - within your 200 word limit!
Good luck. I look forward to seeing your amended - and much shorter - essay.
I'm not a teacher of English, but I have spoken it for (almost) all of my life....