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  1. #1
    Melindabenz13 is offline Newbie
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    Default Pesky Little Sister

    Pesky Little Sister
    It took me eighteen years to realize what an extraordinary influence my older brother has been for me. His name is John, and he is 26 years old, leaving a 8 year gap in between the two of us. He is one of the most important people in my life. I may not always act like it, but I look up to him and respect him. He has taught me how to whistle and how to tie my shoes. If it weren't for my brother I wouldn’t be the ambitious, responsible, and respectful person that I am today.
    When I was younger, I would follow my brother around everywhere, I was the pesky little sister. I always looked up to him more as a father figure then as a brother. He helped my mom raise me and my other siblings because my father was out of the picture. He was always there to help me with what was right and what was wrong. Whenever I was confused, he would help me not to be.
    At the age of 5 my mother bought me my first pair of lace up shoes. I was so excited to have big kid shoes until I realized that I didn’t know how to tie them. I wore the shoes with the laces tucked into them because I couldn’t tie them. John must have felt bad for me because he was the one that took the time to teach me how to tie the laces.
    If it weren't for my brother I wouldn’t know how to whistle. He always used to walk around the house whistling and I remember thinking “I wish I could make that sound”. He tried teaching to whistle, but I didn’t comprehend with what he was telling me. It took a couple of days and a lot of practice, but I finally got it.
    He has influenced me to do my best in school and in life. I would used to tell myself, 'I wanna be exactly like him when I grow up." But I can't. You can't be exactly like someone. No two people are alike. He taught me I have to be my own person not matter what other people think.

    At 16 my brother had moved out of the house to live with his girl friend. I was heartbroken when this event took place. I was devastated that he could just pick up and leave. He was only moving to Marquette but I was only 8 and thought he had moved to some far away place like Timbuktu.



  2. #2
    5jj's Avatar
    5jj is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: Pesky Little Sister

    Welcome to the forum, Melindabenz.

    I assume that you would like us to comment on your writing, and I have moved it to the Editing and Writing Forum. In future posts, please make it clear what you would like us to do.

    Our members do not always have time for this kind of work, but someone may be able to help you.

  3. #3
    anglitha is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Pesky Little Sister

    There are quite a few mistakes so I have decided to list them in the order they appear.
    It has taken me.., influence... has had on me, ,which means there is 8 years between us, may not always show it, he taught me to..... among other things, than a brother, felt sorry for me, how to whistle either, teaching me to whistle, couldn't comprehend what, I used to tell....I want to be, can't be, someone else.....no matter, brother moved out, girlfriend, when this happened.

    I hope you can understand my corrections as I couldn't rewrite everything. I hope this helps.

  4. #4
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Pesky Little Sister

    Some suggestions (with a little help from Anglitha)

    Quote Originally Posted by Melindabenz13 View Post
    Pesky Little Sister
    It has taken me eighteen years to realize what an extraordinary influence my older brother has had on me. His name is John, and he is 26 years old, which means there are eight years between the two of us. He is one of the most important people in my life. I may not always show it, but I look up to him and respect him. He has taught me how to whistle and how to tie my shoes. If it weren't for my brother I wouldn’t be the ambitious, responsible, and respectful person that I am today.
    More later.

  5. #5
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Pesky Little Sister

    Quote Originally Posted by Melindabenz13 View Post
    When I was younger, I would follow my brother around everywhere, I was the pesky little sister. I always looked up to him more as a father figure than as a brother. He helped my mom raise me and my other siblings because my father was out of the picture. He was always there to help me with what was right and what was wrong. Whenever I was confused, he would help me not to be.
    At the age of 5 my mother bought me my first pair of lace up shoes. I was so excited to have big kid shoes until I realized that I didn’t know how to tie them. I wore the shoes with the laces tucked into them because I couldn’t tie them. John must have felt bad for me because he was the one that took the time to teach me how to tie the laces.
    If it weren't for my brother I wouldn’t know how to whistle. He always used to walk around the house whistling and I remember thinking “I wish I could make that sound”. He tried teaching me to whistle, but I didn’t understand what he was telling me. It took a couple of days and a lot of practice, but I finally got it.
    He has taught me to do my best in school and in life. I would used to tell myself, 'I wanna be exactly like him when I grow up." But I can't. You can't be exactly like someone. No two people are alike. He taught me I have to be my own person no matter what other people think.

    At 16 my brother had moved out of the house to live with his girl friend. I was heartbroken when this event took place. I was devastated that he could just pick up and leave. He was only moving to Marquette but I was only 8 and thought he had moved to some faraway place like Timbuktu.

    "Girlfriend" can be one word or two.


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