Results 1 to 7 of 7
  1. #1
    vmffhflek08 is offline Newbie
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Korean
      • Home Country:
      • South Korea
      • Current Location:
      • South Korea
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    10
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Grammar check/Any suggestions for better expressions?

    I'm trying to translate this Korean short story into English and below is the beginning passage of the story. I only did a passage, but I wasn't really sure if it would make any sense to the readers who haven't read the original text. Could you all check the passage for any grammatical mistakes and give me suggestions for better expressions? (Or ask me a question to clarify if any one of these sentences doesn't make any sense) I would really appreciate it!


    (The passage from the story)
    It was exactly forty-two steps from the entrance of the office to the woman’s ‘cubicle’. Her cubicle would reveal itself like a house at the end of a narrow alleyway past a row of cubicles on either side. In other words, her cubicle was at the farthest end of the office. It meant that she was one of those who had been staying with the firm for the longest. Lately, she’s been feeling like she had reached her end, without anywhere to go further.

  2. #2
    Grumpy's Avatar
    Grumpy is offline Senior Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    704
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Grammar check/Any suggestions for better expressions?

    It was exactly forty-two steps from the entrance of the office to the woman’s ‘cubicle’. This nestled like a house, at the end of a narrow alleyway between rows of cubicles on either side. Her place was at the farthest end of the office, signifying that she was one of those who had been with the firm for the longest. Lately, she had been feeling like she had reached her end, without anywhere further to go.

    It is perfectly readable and understandable as you have written it. My suggested amendments are aimed at avoiding too many repetitions of the word "cubicle", as well as making minor corrections to tense and case.



    I'm not a teacher of English, but I have spoken it for (almost) all of my life....

  3. #3
    vmffhflek08 is offline Newbie
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Korean
      • Home Country:
      • South Korea
      • Current Location:
      • South Korea
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    10
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Grammar check/Any suggestions for better expressions?

    Thank you so much for the corrections and suggestions!:) I have a few other questions though if you could take another look.

    In the second sentence(This nestled like a house, at the end of a narrow alleyway between rows of cubicles on either side.), the author of the original text is trying to compare the cubicle to a house at the end of a narrow alleyway, and I was wondering if i should put the comma after 'a narrow alleyway', instead of 'a house' in that sentence?

    Also, in the last sentence, would it still make sense and be grammatically correct if I said, "Lately, she's been feeling like she has reached her end" instead of using past perfect tense? (The author switches tense in the last sentence in the original text.)

  4. #4
    Grumpy's Avatar
    Grumpy is offline Senior Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    704
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Grammar check/Any suggestions for better expressions?

    1. I know what you mean, and I did think about where to put the comma in the second sentence. I put it where I did so that it separated two discrete ideas: the cubicle being like a house, and the alleyway being formed by the rows of cubicles. If the comma comes after "alleyway", then the "rows of cubicles on either side" are linked to the house, rather than to the alleyway. It's a fine point, and some people might prefer not to include a comma at all.

    2. Switching tense would be fine - so long as the passage continues for a while in the new tense.
    I'm not a teacher of English, but I have spoken it for (almost) all of my life....

  5. #5
    SoothingDave is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    8,891
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Grammar check/Any suggestions for better expressions?

    How is a cubicle like a house?

  6. #6
    vmffhflek08 is offline Newbie
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Korean
      • Home Country:
      • South Korea
      • Current Location:
      • South Korea
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    10
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Grammar check/Any suggestions for better expressions?

    Ohh I see. Thank you again for your comment!:)

  7. #7
    vmffhflek08 is offline Newbie
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Korean
      • Home Country:
      • South Korea
      • Current Location:
      • South Korea
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    10
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Grammar check/Any suggestions for better expressions?

    For SoothingDave, I think the author in the Korean text was trying to compare the cubicle to a house. If you picture a cubicle at the end of rows of cubicles on both sides of the office, it kind of reminds you of a house at the end of an alleyway? Think that's the image that the author was trying to conjure up.

Similar Threads

  1. [General] Can you check if the expressions are correct or not?
    By Eureka in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 03-Nov-2010, 16:45
  2. please check my essay and give me some suggestions
    By greeny366 in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 02-Apr-2010, 08:38
  3. Replies: 1
    Last Post: 10-Feb-2007, 02:21
  4. Replies: 1
    Last Post: 30-Nov-2006, 14:04

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Hotchalk