Results 1 to 2 of 2
  1. #1
    sajjad64 is offline Newbie
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Persian
      • Home Country:
      • Iran
      • Current Location:
      • Iran
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    1
    Post Thanks / Like

    Post ďIíve written a virtual short story and now I need you to help me for check it.Ē

    My name is mark Wilson. Iím 34 years old. In the past Iíve a lot of dreams. When I was child I wanted to have a self employed job in the future. But know Iím a fire fighter. our station is located in the rose park st. My colleagues are in a good company with me. They call me willy and until now we havenít any fed up.
    In our job you canít cut the corner because of the rigid time table. At work we need to be ready all the time because the alarm may be abrupt ring. During the operation staffs should obey the commander. One day in the operation I understood that the machine didnít have enough water and immediately paged another machine to come and then carried the operation on.
    Being a fire fighter is a satisfying job. Fire fighters are not required to have any academic qualifications but they must brave, strong and patient. This job is responsible and challenging and itís full of stress. Only people who have sedulity can do it.
    Finally I have to say that I enjoy my job forwhy we can help a lot of people every day.

  2. #2
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    21,292
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: ďIíve written a virtual short story and now I need you to help me for check it.Ē

    Check your use of tenses.
    Check your capitalisation of proper nouns.
    Check your use of particular words ("know", "abrupt", "paged", "sedulity").

    Read through your story again very carefully, concentrating on those points and edit any errors you find. There is one error in the first sentence, for example. After you edit your post, leave a new comment under this one to say that you have done it and we will look at it again.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

Similar Threads

  1. [General] A weird short story I've written
    By Kvalt in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 16-Oct-2012, 17:37
  2. [Essay] Spooky Halloween Story - short story
    By Arbe in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 01-Nov-2011, 17:45
  3. [Essay] a short article written by me
    By tiggerwwc in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 02-Apr-2010, 13:55
  4. please check my short story
    By amirghh in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 31-Jan-2010, 02:45

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Hotchalk