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  1. #1
    thincat is offline Member
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    Default Revise this sentence?

    Hi,
    Are the verbs used correctly in the following sentence?

    "we will notify the students concerned to go through further procedures in our office and get the new “student ID card.”

    Thank you!

  2. #2
    Route21's Avatar
    Route21 is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Revise this sentence?

    As an NES, but not an English specialist:

    I would have no problem with the sentence per se, other than that it feels a bit "long winded".
    You could say:
    "We will notify the students concerned of the procedures necessary to obtain a new Student ID card."
    or more simply:
    "We will advise the students involved how to obtain a new Student ID card."

    Hope this helps
    Regards
    R21

    PS: Remember to start your sentences with a capital letter.
    PPS: I, myself, regularly end up writing long sentences, when I don't have the time to write short ones!
    Last edited by Route21; 07-Mar-2013 at 15:57.

  3. #3
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Revise this sentence?

    Quote Originally Posted by thincat View Post
    Hi,
    Are the verbs used correctly in the following sentence?

    "we will notify the students concerned to go through further procedures in our office and get the new “student ID card.”

    Thank you!
    I agree with Route21 that it's rather long-winded. Having said that, I have only managed to shorten it a little, to:

    We will tell the students concerned to go to the office and take the relevant steps to get the new student ID card.
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 07-Mar-2013 at 18:40.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  4. #4
    Odessa Dawn's Avatar
    Odessa Dawn is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Revise this sentence?

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    I agree with Route21 that it's rather long-winded. Having said that, I have only managed to shorten it a little, to:

    We will tell the students concerned to go to the office and take the relevant steps to get the new student ID card.
    I think that one of them should be left out. Am I right?

    Last edited by Odessa Dawn; 07-Mar-2013 at 18:44.

  5. #5
    emsr2d2's Avatar
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    Default Re: Revise this sentence?

    Quote Originally Posted by Odessa Dawn View Post
    I think that one of them should be left out. Am I right?

    Not entirely. It should have read "that it's" - I have now edited my post. Thanks.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

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