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  1. #1
    unteachable is offline Newbie
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    Default Part of Motivation Letter

    Can you please correct the errors from this letter for me? There are two different parts because i want to send for two applications.
    ... is the company i apply for

    1)

    Το ... program with the very useful and attractive for me practical training on advanced IT projects combined with lectured by IT experts of ... makes a valuable asset for my professional career. Also visits to the laboratories of the most popular laboratory in the world is an experience that many people would like to live and I am very happy to have the opportunity to experience it through the program. The multicultural environment of the program is very appealing to me because first of all I like to work as a team in a project and second I like to know people from different countries with different thinking, different experiences and ideas. Also I can adapt to the conditions and requirements of the program because I am hardworking, cooperative, patient, adventurous and ambitious.
    Upon completion of my studies my participation in this program at the world-renowned institute would be a valuable asset for the start of my professional career, because I will be able to broaden my knowledge and my skills in computers and socialize.
    Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

    2)

    My participation at ... is the right opportunity for me as doing practical training on advanced IT projects will improve my skills in programming and will get very useful experiences. In addition to attending lectures by IT experts of ... is a very big advantage of the program which will give me many benefits and enrich my knowledge about the computing industry.
    Also the content of the program's activities and lectures around the burning issues of widespread cloud computing, managing large databases, always contemporary security of computers etc. make the program very interesting and valuable asset for the future . The leading edge of the ... facility in conjunction with access to equipment that has not come out yet on the market make it the ideal place to learn and apply as previously reported.
    Upon completion of my studies at the end of May, my participation in the ... is a valuable asset for the start of my professional career, as through the program I will derive considerable skills in the area of ​​programming and generally around computers, would help me decide whether to choose a master and end later would help me adapt very quickly to a job both ... and any other programming company.

    Thanks in advance!

  2. #2
    geri96 is offline Newbie
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      • Interested in Language
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      • Hungary
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    Default Re: Part of Motivation Letter

    It is the second one:

    My participation at ... is the right opportunity for me as doing practical training on advanced IT projects will improve my skills in programming and will provide me with useful experiences. In addition to attending lectures of IT experts of ... is a very big advantage of the program from which I will definitely be able to benefit and deepen my knowledge about the computing industry.
    Also/furthermore the content of the program's activities and lectures around the burning issues of widespread cloud computing, managing large databases, always contemporary security of computers etc. make the program very/rather interesting and valuable asset for the future. The leading edge of the ... facility in conjunction with access to equipment(uncountable) that have not come out yet/have yet to come out on the market make it the ideal place to learn (and apply as previously reported.) (Unnecessary therefore it can be omitted. In my view, it sounds better without this part.)
    Upon completion of my studies at the end of May, my participation in the ... is a valuable asset for the start of my professional career, as through the program I will acquire considerable skills in the area of programming and generally around computers. Consequently, I could decide whether to choose a master (and end later would help me adapt very quickly to a job both ... and any other programming company.) This final part is quite vague, you should rewrite it. For instance, it is not obvious what “end later” refers to. Basically, the problem is that you wrote too long sentences, and as a result, some foolish mistakes were made. Do not be afraid to put a dot and begin a new sentence, it would definitely make your composition better.

    Hope I could help

  3. #3
    unteachable is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Part of Motivation Letter

    Thank you very much for your help. I don't want to offend you but because i want to send this letter to a company for a job i will be much more confident if a native English speaker answered my question!

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