Bassim
VIP Member
- Joined
- Mar 1, 2008
- Member Type
- Student or Learner
- Native Language
- Bosnian
- Home Country
- Bosnia Herzegovina
- Current Location
- Sweden
This is the second part of my short story A Couple, please would you take a look at it and correct my mistakes.
After a while they became tired and decided to take a rest on some logs close to the abandoned cabin. Their bodies exuded sweat, the smell of which mixed with the aromas of their subtle deodorants and the scents of wild flowers. That made them even more attractive, more human.
“I’ve to tell you something,” the man said. She looked at him with her large blue eyes, which reminded him of how infatuated with them he was from the very beginning. That happened by chance, about a year ago, while she was sitting alone at the table in a cafe, and he asked her if a chair was vacant. She looked up from the magazine she was reading and studied him. He was a well-groomed man, who always behaved like a gentleman, although he was a little bit shy, especially when he met an attractive woman. He saw her eyes, drowned into their blueness, and wished he would never come out.
Now she was holding the bouquet in front of her face, turning it around, smelling and touching the flowers. She smiled at him, her eyes sparkling. She was used to his endearments, unexpected compliments, admissions of his love...
“I’ve been sacked,” he said, blushing and sweating on his face. At first she did not react at his words, as if she had not heard them properly. And he repeated them again, this time watching her eyes turning into a rough sea.
“How that happened?” she asked incredulously, staring at him and hoping that he would tell her that he was only joking. He touched his forehead wiping the sweat from his brow and ran his fingers through his short, dark hair. He explained to her that the company had a difficult time making a profit. There was a crisis everywhere. Europe was no longer as powerful as it was before, while Asia was marching like an unstoppable army, which would soon take control over the whole world. And when she inquired almost with desperation in her voice, why of all other workers it was he who had to leave, he told her that there was the rule called last come first go.
To be continued
After a while they became tired and decided to take a rest on some logs close to the abandoned cabin. Their bodies exuded sweat, the smell of which mixed with the aromas of their subtle deodorants and the scents of wild flowers. That made them even more attractive, more human.
“I’ve to tell you something,” the man said. She looked at him with her large blue eyes, which reminded him of how infatuated with them he was from the very beginning. That happened by chance, about a year ago, while she was sitting alone at the table in a cafe, and he asked her if a chair was vacant. She looked up from the magazine she was reading and studied him. He was a well-groomed man, who always behaved like a gentleman, although he was a little bit shy, especially when he met an attractive woman. He saw her eyes, drowned into their blueness, and wished he would never come out.
Now she was holding the bouquet in front of her face, turning it around, smelling and touching the flowers. She smiled at him, her eyes sparkling. She was used to his endearments, unexpected compliments, admissions of his love...
“I’ve been sacked,” he said, blushing and sweating on his face. At first she did not react at his words, as if she had not heard them properly. And he repeated them again, this time watching her eyes turning into a rough sea.
“How that happened?” she asked incredulously, staring at him and hoping that he would tell her that he was only joking. He touched his forehead wiping the sweat from his brow and ran his fingers through his short, dark hair. He explained to her that the company had a difficult time making a profit. There was a crisis everywhere. Europe was no longer as powerful as it was before, while Asia was marching like an unstoppable army, which would soon take control over the whole world. And when she inquired almost with desperation in her voice, why of all other workers it was he who had to leave, he told her that there was the rule called last come first go.
To be continued
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