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  1. #1
    Bassim is offline Senior Member
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    Default A Couple, third part

    This is the third part of my short story A couple. Please, would you take a look at it and correct my mistakes.

    After his explanations, he disappeared from her world. She could hear him talking; she could hear the insects buzzing, birds chirping and even the chiming of the church bell the wind was carrying towards them, but her mind was elsewhere. A few days before she had seen herself on the French Riviera sunbathing and swimming in the Mediterranean Sea, walking shoulder to shoulder with celebrities and members of the jet set - a modern Bardot. They have planned to buy a cabriolet and drive down to the Riviera. She would let her hair fly in the wind, fill her eyes with new impressions and experience something beautiful, which she would never forget as long as she lived.

    She had already confided herself to her friends, told them about her dreams and plans, and made them feel envy. But now, how she was going to tell them that all her dreams would never become reality. They were going to tell jokes about her behind her back, and she was going to become a laughing stock, whom nobody would take seriously. Her mother was right. He was not the right man for her. He was never going to succeed. He has the will, but lacked prowess. He was always going to remain a ball, which bosses were going to throw away when they did not need any more...

    To be continued.

  2. #2
    Gillnetter is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: A Couple, third part

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    This is the third part of my short story A couple. Please, would you take a look at it and correct my mistakes.

    After his explanations, he disappeared from her world. She could hear him talking; she could hear the insects buzzing, birds chirping and even the chiming of the church bell the wind was carrying towards them, but her mind was elsewhere. A few days before she had seen herself on the French Riviera sunbathing and swimming in the Mediterranean Sea, walking shoulder to shoulder with celebrities and members of the jet set - a modern Bardot. They have had planned to buy a cabriolet and drive down to the Riviera. She would let her hair fly in the wind, fill her eyes with new impressions and experience something beautiful, which she would never forget as long as she lived.

    She had already confided herself this to her friends, told them about her dreams and plans, and made them feel envy envious. But now, how she was going to tell them that all her dreams would never become reality. They were going to tell jokes about her behind her back, and she was going to become a laughing stock, whom nobody would take seriously. Her mother was right. He was not the right man for her. He was never going to succeed. He hasthe will, but lacked prowess. He was always going to remain a ball, which bosses were going to throw away when they did not need him any more... (The analogy of he being ball is a new one to me, but I do like it)

    To be continued.
    Gil

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