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  1. #1
    ziawj2 is offline Member
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    Default a letter of apology

    I assigned a writing task to my student. She need to write an email to: apologize for her failure to keep the appointment, explain her reason,
    and express she wish to make another appointment in an appropriate style.

    Her writing is :
    Dear Professor Brown,
    First of all, I must apologize for not being able to keep our appointment. I do know that this is very impolite and must have caused you too much inconvenience. But unfortunately, on my way to your office, I got a call that my grandmother suddenly fell ill and had to be hospitalized. I do hope that you would spare your valuable time to meet me tomorrow afternoon in your office. And I am extremely sorry for that. Please accept my sincere apologies. I am looking forward to hearing from you.
    Yours sincelerly,
    Lily

    First of all, (no 'secondly' follows) I must apologize for not being able to keep our appointment. I do know that this (It) is very impolite and must (repeat. There is a 'must' in the first sentence.)have caused you too much inconvenience. But unfortunately, on my way to your office, I got a call that my grandmother suddenly fell ill and had to be hospitalized(be sent to hospital). I do hope that you would spare your valuable time to meet me tomorrow afternoon in your office. (Could you spare me some of your valuable time tomorrow afternoon in your office?) And I am extremely sorry for that. Please accept my sincere apologies. I am looking forward to hearing from you.

    Could you tell me whether my correction is right or wrong?

    Thank you.



  2. #2
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is online now Moderator
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    Default Re: a letter of apology

    Quote Originally Posted by ziawj2 View Post
    I assigned a writing task to my student. She need to write an email to: apologize for her failure to keep the appointment, explain her reason,
    and express she wish to make another appointment in an appropriate style.

    Her writing is :
    Dear Professor Brown,

    First of all, I must apologize for not being able to keep having kept our appointment. I do know that this is I realise that it was very impolite and must have caused you too much a lot of inconvenience. But Unfortunately, on my way to your office, I got a call was notified that my grandmother had suddenly fell fallen ill and had had to be hospitalized. I do hope that you would might spare your valuable time to meet me tomorrow afternoon in your office. And I am extremely sorry for that. Again, please accept my sincere apologies and I am looking forward to hearing from hope to see you tomorrow.

    Yours sincelerly sincerely,

    Lily

    First of all, (no 'secondly' follows) I must apologize for not being able to keep our appointment. I do know that this (It) is very impolite and must (repeat. There is a 'must' in the first sentence.)have caused you too much inconvenience. But unfortunately, on my way to your office, I got a call that my grandmother suddenly fell ill and had to be hospitalized(be sent to hospital). I do hope that you would spare your valuable time to meet me tomorrow afternoon in your office. (Could you spare me some of your valuable time tomorrow afternoon in your office?) And I am extremely sorry for that. Please accept my sincere apologies. I am looking forward to hearing from you.

    Could you tell me whether my correction is right or wrong?

    Thank you.


    Marked in red above are the corrections I would have made to her letter. Some of yours weren't very clear, and I'm not sure why you had a problem with the word "hospitalised".
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  3. #3
    ziawj2 is offline Member
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    Default Re: a letter of apology

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    Marked in red above are the corrections I would have made to her letter. Some of yours weren't very clear, and I'm not sure why you had a problem with the word "hospitalised".
    Thank you very much. Because I think the word 'hospitalised' is used in passive voice, and is a bit inanimate and formal, so I changed it to active voice.

  4. #4
    ziawj2 is offline Member
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    Default Re: a letter of apology

    Some questions:
    1. Why you change 'being able to' to 'having kept'?
    2. Why you change 'too much' to 'a lot of'?
    3. Why you change 'had to be hospitalised' to 'had had to be hospitalised'?
    I don't know why you made the changes. Could you explain them to me? Thank you.

  5. #5
    emsr2d2's Avatar
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    Default Re: a letter of apology

    Quote Originally Posted by ziawj2 View Post
    Some questions:

    1. Why did you change 'being able to' to 'having kept'?
    2. Why did you change 'too much' to 'a lot of'?
    3. Why did you change 'had to be hospitalised' to 'had had to be hospitalised'?

    I don't know why you made the changes. Could you explain them to me? Thank you.

    1. I simply thought it was better to apologise for missing the appointment, rather than apologising for not being able to keep the appointment.
    2. "Too much" does not mean the same as "much" or "a lot of". We simply would not say "It must have caused you too much inconvenience" - "too much" for what? It's not clear. It simply [probably] caused the professor some/a lot of inconvenience.
    3. I changed the tense in the whole second part of that sentence: I was notified that my grandmother had suddenlyfallen ill and had had to be hospitalized.
    The falling ill and the being hospitalised took place before the phone call so I backshifted.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

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