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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
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    Default Errors in this letter?

    Hello fellow teachers,

    I'm writing a block style letter with open punctuation for my assignment and this is what I've come out with:

    ---

    Kenneth Lee Tze Wui
    The Moonlight Restaurant
    81A, Jalan Tun Ahmad Zaidi Adruce
    93150 Ampang Jaya

    14 February 2006

    Department of Environment
    Ministry of National Resources and
    Environment
    Level 3-7, Block C4
    Federal Government Administrative Centre
    62662 Putrajaya

    Dear Sir or Madam

    UNSATISFACTORY CONSTRUCTION WORK

    I am writing to you concerning a problem that has arisen from the construction work of a large hotel—The Hung Hung Inn—behind my The Moonlight Restaurant premise in Ampang Jaya.

    For your information, my Ampang Jaya premise of The Moonlight Restaurant has been set up in and operating since December 2002. The business has been doing well for the past few years but has undergone a drastic slump ever since the construction work started this January.

    For at least six weeks already I have had no choice but to put up with the continuous drilling, 24 hours a day and seven days a week. This has resulted in an extremely dusty environment and hygieneissue.

    The road that leads to the back of my restaurant has been mud-spattered and potholed since—all due to the excavators and lorries that have to drive past every now and then. Apart from that, the beautification trees and other plants behind my restaurant have also been destructed. My customers have even complaint that my restaurant smells of dust now.

    Hereby I sincerely appeal so that you would take actions against this problematic building of The Hung Hung Inn. Your help is very much appreciated.

    Thank you.

    Yours faithfully




    Kenneth Lee
    Manager

    ---

    Can you kindly check for me if there are any errors?

    Your help is so much appreciated!

    Thanks so much!


    Regards,
    Kenneth

  2. #2
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: Errors in this letter?

    Format:
    Your address should be on the right and don't put your name there- your name comes at the end, under your signature, so it's unnecessary.
    my The Moonlight Restaurant premise- I'd say my restaurant, The Moonlihght Restaurant, (and delete 'premise)
    For your information, my Ampang Jaya premise of The Moonlight Restaurant has been set up in and operating since December 2002.- FYI sounds too aggressive. Do you have more than one restaurant? If not, delete the first part. Delete 'set up and'
    The business has been doing well for the past few years but has undergone a drastic slump ever since the construction work started this January.- shouldn't you have a coma in here?
    hygieneissue- spacing and I'd use the plural
    potholed since- either say since when or delete it
    beautification trees- wrong word
    destructed- destroyed
    have even complaint- use the verb not the noun
    Hereby I sincerely appeal so- word order and one word needs to be deleted
    Thank you- seems to informal

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
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    Default Re: Errors in this letter?

    Hello tdol,

    Thanks so much for your guidance!

    Quote Originally Posted by tdol
    Format:
    my The Moonlight Restaurant premise- I'd say my restaurant, The Moonlihght Restaurant, (and delete 'premise)
    For your information, my Ampang Jaya premise of The Moonlight Restaurant has been set up in and operating since December 2002.- FYI sounds too aggressive. Do you have more than one restaurant? If not, delete the first part. Delete 'set up and'
    Concerning the letter, yes it has more than one restaurants, so should I delete 'premise'?

    Quote Originally Posted by tdol
    The business has been doing well for the past few years but has undergone a drastic slump ever since the construction work started this January.- shouldn't you have a coma in here?
    I don't really understand what you meant. Did you mean it's supposed to be like this:

    The business has been doing well for the past few years, but has undergone a drastic slump ever since the construction work started this January.

    Quote Originally Posted by tdol
    hygieneissue- spacing and I'd use the plural
    hygiene issues.

    Quote Originally Posted by tdol
    beautification trees- wrong word
    I can't think of a replacement for the words...

    Quote Originally Posted by tdol
    Hereby I sincerely appeal so- word order and one word needs to be deleted
    Hereby I appeal so...

  4. #4
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
    • Member Info
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      • Native Language:
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      • Home Country:
      • UK
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    Default Re: Errors in this letter?

    I'd say my Ampang Jaya branch
    Decorative??
    I hereby appeal

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