Please, check these lines

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hemal

Member
Joined
Feb 3, 2012
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Gujarati
Home Country
India
Current Location
India
Hello,
I have to prepare a self profile to work as a freelancer in some web site. I have written few lines. I want someone to check and correct them.

Following are the lines

Hi, I am Hemal shah from India. I am proficient in MS Word 2007 and MS Excel 2007. I possess typing speed of 35 WPM. I am self driven, self motivated, enthusiastic and passionate kind of person. I always like challenging and detail oriented work. I like to deal with numbers and data. I always have concern over client’s satisfaction. I work for passion and eternal happiness which results in handsome remuneration. If I will get the opportunity to work with you, I will efficiently perform it with best accuracy and within stipulated time period.Thanks.
 

Gillnetter

Key Member
Joined
Jan 16, 2010
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
United States
Hello,
I have to prepare a self profile to work as a freelancer in some web site. I have written few lines. I want someone to check and correct them.

Following are the lines

Hi, I am Hemal Shah from India. I am proficient in MS Word 2007 and MS Excel 2007. I [STRIKE]possess typing speed of [/STRIKE] type at 35 WPM. I am a self driven, self motivated, enthusiastic and passionate kind of person. I always like challenging and detail oriented work. I like to deal with numbers and data. I always have concerns over the client’s satisfaction. I work for passion and eternal happiness which results in handsome remuneration (This may work in India but not in the US. It is much too flowery. Are you saying that you or the company will get a handsome remuneration?). If I [STRIKE]will [/STRIKE]get the opportunity to work with you, I will efficiently perform [STRIKE]it [/STRIKE] my job with [STRIKE]best [/STRIKE]accuracy and within the stipulated time periods. Thanks.
Gil
 
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