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  1. #1
    thebestgio is offline Newbie
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    Post Grammar Check. Can someone check my statement , please?

    Good morning everyone,
    My name is Giovanni I'm from Italy. Recently I've written my personal statement to be admitted to a postgraduate course of Finance in London. I hope someone will check my statement. Thank you very much in advance.


    The recent global economic crisis has emphasised the role of the financial institutions and it has brought new difficult challenges which will present opportunities to build a more rigorous financial system and institutions. I am seeking to improve my knowledge and experience in the area of finance through enrolling in the MSc Finance program. I believe that this program would be a great opportunity to further my academic studies and my work career.


    My initial interest in Finance started when I was at the high school. I observed how my parents, who were running a manufacturing company, struggled through the crisis of the venetian ceramic district. Almost all the businesses closed down but fortunately my father found a way out of the crisis through specialization and innovation. That period was tough because I studied at the high school while I was working as an accountant for my father’s company. This experience provided me with the ability to analyse large amounts of information and to manage the budget of a company. After high school I understand that studying Economics at an undergraduate level would satisfy my interests and provide me with a solid foundation for my future career so I attended the First Cycle Degree Programme in Economics and Business at Ca’ Foscari University of Venice. My academic career, in particular the course of Accounting and Financial Statement Analysis and the course of Monetary and Financial Economics, has stimulated my passion for finance and has led me to further my studies. I’m particularly interested in Corporate Financial Planning and in Financial Analysis and how it affects mergers, acquisition and demergers. During my last internship at ITT I have collaborated to annual inventory calculation and expenses reporting and I have participated to the Xylem-ITT Spin- off, which has separated the company into three standalone businesses: a defense company known as Exelis, a water company known as Xylem and “new ITT," an engineering company involved in aerospace, transportation, energy, and industrial applications. This unique experience has given me an invaluable insight into the factors that influence the financial planning of a multinational company.

    My long-term career plan is to become a successful controller or an internal auditor. I have had a passion for accounting and budgeting since I was in high school. My interest in this field has made me an avid reader of “The Economist”, “ Il Sole 24 ore” and “ The Financial Times”. My latest read “End This Depression Now” by Paul Krugman has given me a new perspective on the global economics depression by demonstrating how the entire world, but in particular the euro zone , will stumble from crisis to crisis. I believe that one year working experience for a local company and a good internship has provided me with the ability of evaluating benefits and costs of a particular financial plan.

    Met Msc in Finance will provide me an opportunity to improve my understanding of various concepts and methods for Financial Data Analysis in a more meaningful way, and in an environment which will be academically challenging and allow me to develop further as an individual. I think that the MSc in finance at Met will enhance my skills and give me a wide range of networking contacts. I hope that the information I have shared has demonstrated both my academic ability and my passion to form part of your prestigious academic institution as an MSc student.

  2. #2
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is online now Moderator
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    Default Re: Grammar Check. Can someone check my statement , please?

    Quote Originally Posted by thebestgio View Post
    Good morning everyone,
    My name is Giovanni I'm from Italy. Recently I've written my personal statement to be admitted to a postgraduate course of Finance in London. I hope someone will check my statement. Thank you very much in advance.


    The recent global economic crisis has emphasised the role of the financial institutions and it has brought new difficult new challenges. which These will present opportunities to build a more rigorous financial systems and institutions. I am seeking looking to improve my knowledge and experience in the area of finance through enrolling in the MSc Finance program. I believe that this program would be a great opportunity to further my academic studies and my work career.


    My initial interest in finance started when I was at the high school. I observed saw/witnessed how my parents, who were running a manufacturing company, struggled through the crisis of the Venetian ceramic district. Almost all the businesses closed down but fortunately my father found a way out of the crisis through specialization and innovation. That period was tough because I studied at the high school while I was also working as an accountant for my father’s company. This experience provided me with the ability to analyse large amounts of information and to manage the budget of a company. After high school I understand realised that studying Economics at an undergraduate level would satisfy my interests and provide me with a solid foundation for my future career. so I attended the First Cycle Degree Programme in Economics and Business at Ca’ Foscari University, of Venice. My academic career, in particular the courses of in Accounting and Financial Statement Analysis and the course of Monetary and Financial Economics, has have stimulated my passion for finance and has led me to further my studies. I’m I am particularly interested in Corporate Financial Planning and in Financial Analysis and how it they affects affect mergers, acquisitions and demergers. During my last internship at ITT I have collaborated to (I don't understand what you meant to say here. We collaborate with other people) annual inventory calculation and expenses reporting, and I have participated to in the Xylem-ITT Spin-off (only capitalise "Spin-off" if it is part of the title of the process), which has separated the company into three standalone businesses: a defense company known as Exelis, a water company known as Xylem and “new ITT," an engineering company involved in aerospace, transportation, energy, and industrial applications. This unique experience has given me an invaluable insight into the factors that influence the financial planning of a multinational company.

    My long-term career plan is to become a successful controller or an internal auditor. I have had a passion for accounting and budgeting since I was in high school. My interest in this field has made me an avid reader of “The Economist”, “ Il Sole 24 ore” and “ The Financial Times”. My latest read “End This Depression Now” by Paul Krugman has given me a new perspective on the global economics depression by demonstrating how the entire world, but in particular the euro zone, will stumble from crisis to crisis. I believe that one year's working experience for with a local company, and a good internship has have provided me with the ability of to evaluating evaluate the benefits and costs of a particular financial plan.

    Met Msc in Finance will provide me with an opportunity to improve my understanding of various concepts and methods for Financial Data Analysis in a more meaningful way, and in an environment which will be academically challenging and allow me to develop further as an individual. I think that the MSc in finance at Met will enhance my skills and give me a wide range of networking contacts. I hope that the information I have shared has demonstrated both my academic ability and my passion to form part of your prestigious academic institution as an MSc student.
    My suggested amendments are marked above in red.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  3. #3
    thebestgio is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Grammar Check. Can someone check my statement , please?

    thank you so much

  4. #4
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is online now Moderator
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    Default Re: Grammar Check. Can someone check my statement , please?

    Quote Originally Posted by thebestgio View Post
    Thank you so much.
    You're welcome but don't forget that it's important to use correct capitalisation and punctuation even in these normal posts, not just in your formal or academic writing.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

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