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  1. #1
    missedxsmile is offline Newbie
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    Default MY LAST SUMMER (Please correct!)

    During the summer I was working as a promoter so I didnít go to many places.
    My work wasnít bored. I had to work in four different places and fortunately it was near to my house.
    I was working at Ripley, Corona, Johnsons and La polar.
    I worked In Ripley with my mother in law. Her nameís Ana MarŪa and sheís a cashier.
    I also met two promoters. Pamela and Jocelyn. They were very helpful and nice with me. Pamela is 26 years old. She has got short brown hair with big brown eyes. Jocelyn is 22 years old. She has got large brown hair with brown eyes. Pamela is still working in Saxoline bags and Jocelyn was working in head bags but she quit 2 months ago.
    I worked hardly ever in Corona because it hasnít many bags to sell.
    I worked in Johnsons and I get bored most of the time. Because people hardly ever bougut something but I went 2 or 3 times a week.

    If I had to choose the place that I prefer I choose La Polar. Because I didnít get bored. I had a good place to sell and the music was good. The only thing that I got upset was that the Guards were really anoying and they were always asking anything like my name, what do I do, and things like that.
    If you think, spending 9 hours working at the mall wasnít really fun at all. And I was always like a statue standing up without a chair to rest. It was awful.
    Thereís a picture of my everlast bags in Ripley

    As I live with my boyfriend, I spent most of the time at home because I didnít have so many time.
    In my free time I was watching anime series like Death note, HunterxHunter, School Rumble, Full metal alchemist and Saikano (there are some pictures about these anime series). I learned a little more about cooking like how to make a centain bread. I read some books like De amor y de sombra by Isabel Allende and others. I didnít have internet so I played a game on my computer. The game that I played was Skyrimm. It was a role playing game.


    On January 10th it was my birthday and I went to Puerto Varas with my friends and my boyfriend. We went to the beach and the water was frozen but I didnít care. I swam with my brother until my lips and my hands were blue.We spent a pretty good day. My mother made me a cake. It was delicious. At noon we went Pichi Pelluco and I met some friends. My friends took a lot of photos and at the end of the day we were so tired and we went to our homes.

    On February I went to Calbuco with my familyís boyfriend. It was a cloudy day. We aet a delicious curanto. I didnít have any diet during the summer. But I didnít care about that. Then We went to the beach. I swam but a few minutes because the water was pretty cold. We ate a lot of melon. I didnít take any photos of that trip. At the afternoon my uncleís boyfriend, my boyfriend and I took a boat and were fishing, but we didnít get any fish. The most important lesson was the experience because the boat was old and we had to took a cup and get out all the water inside it!.

    I saw the fireworks at the celebration of puerto monttís week. They were amazing but I didnít see many people, maybe because at the afternoot it was raining.
    I visited my familyís boyfriend. My sister in law is 4 years old and sheís intelligent and cute. We saw some movies, we played and sometimes I taught her some things about english. I get on well with her.
    This is a picture of us in my parents in lawís house

    Obviously I visited a lot of times to my family. Sometimes my nephew was at home but sometimes he wasnít. although I donít live with my family I get on well with them. Except for my brothers. No, it was a joke.
    There are some pictures of my vacations.

    As you are looking living apart is not so easy and you have to work and to have a lot of patient.
    Maybe next year my vacations will be more interesting and Iím going to show you in another presentation.
    Thatís all. I hope you had enjoying the video.



  2. #2
    februar's Avatar
    februar is offline Member
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    Default Re: MY LAST SUMMER (Please correct!)

    During the summer I was working as a promoter so I didn’t go to many places for pleasure.
    My work wasn’t bored boring as I had to could work in four different places and fortunately it was near to my house.
    I was working at Ripley, Corona, Johnsons and La Polar.
    I worked In in Ripley with my mother in law. Her name’s Ana MarŪa and she’s a cashier.
    I also met two promoters. Pamela and Jocelyn. They were very helpful and nice with to me. Pamela is 26 years old. She has got short brown hair with big brown eyes. Jocelyn is 22 years old. She has got large (thik or long?)brown hair with brown eyes. Pamela is still working in Saxoline bags and Jocelyn was working in head bags but she quit 2 months ago.
    I hardly ever worked hardly ever in Corona because it hasn’t many bags to sell.
    I worked in Johnsons and I get got bored most of the time. Because people hardly ever (or: seldom) bougut bought something but I went 2 or 3 times a week.

    If I had to choose the place that I prefer, I would choose La Polar. Because I didn’t get bored. I had a good place to sell and the music was good. The only thing that I got upset was that the Guards were really anoying and they were always asking anything like my name, what do I do, and things like that.
    If you think, Spending 9 hours working at the mall wasn’t really fun at all. And I was always like a statue standing up without a chair to rest. It was awful.
    There’s a picture of my everlasting bags in Ripley

    As I live with my boyfriend, I spent most of the time at home because I didn’t have so many time.
    In my free time I was watching anime series like Death Note, HunterxHunter, School Rumble, Full Metal Alchemist and Saikano (there are some pictures about these anime series). I learned a little more about cooking like how to make a centain (certain?) bread. I read some books like De amor y de sombra by Isabel Allende and others. I didn’t have internet so I played a game on my computer. The game that I played was Skyrimm. It was a role playing game.


    On January 10th it was my birthday and I went to Puerto Varas with my friends and my boyfriend. We went to the beach and the water was frozen freezing but I didn’t care. I swam with my brother until my lips and my hands were blue. We spent a pretty good day. My mother made a cake for me. It was delicious. At noon we went to Pichi Pelluco and (or: where) I met some friends. My friends took a lot of photos and at the end of the day we were so tired and (or: that) we went to our homes.

    On In February I went to Calbuco with my family’s boyfriend. It was a cloudy day. We aet ate a delicious curanto. I didn’t have any diet during the summer. But I didn’t care about that. Then We we went to the beach. I swam but only a few minutes because the water was pretty cold. We ate a lot of melons. I didn’t take any photos of that trip. At the afternoon my uncle’s boyfriend, my boyfriend and I took a boat and were fishing, but we didn’t get catch any fish. The most important lesson was the experience because the boat was old and we had to took take a cup and get out all the water inside it!

    I saw the fireworks at the celebration of Puerto Montt’s week. They were amazing but I didn’t see many people, maybe because at in the afternoot it was raining.
    I visited my family’s boyfriend. My sister in law is 4 years old and she’s intelligent and cute. We saw some movies, we played and sometimes I taught her some things about English. I get on well with her.
    This is a picture of us in my parents in law’s house.

    Obviously I visited my family a lot of times (or: many times) to my family. Sometimes my nephew was at home but sometimes he wasn’t. Although I don’t live with my family I get on well with them. Except for my brothers. No, it was a joke.
    There are some pictures of my vacations.

    As you are looking can see, living apart is not so easy and you have to work and to have a lot of patient to have great patience.
    Maybe next year my vacations will be more interesting and I’m going to show them to you in another presentation.
    That’s all. I hope you had enjoying the video.
    Last edited by februar; 05-Apr-2013 at 08:26.

  3. #3
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: MY LAST SUMMER (Please correct!)

    Februar - it's good of you to attempt the corrections. However, while the majority of your corrections are right, some are wrong, and you have missed a lot of errors. The forum guidelines say that you must say at the beginning of a post if you are not a teacher (it's also helpful if you state that you are not a native speaker although that's not absolutely necessary).

    I don't have time to correct this long piece at the moment but I want to make sure that missedxsmile understands that post #2 does not represent a good amendment of the piece.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  4. #4
    februar's Avatar
    februar is offline Member
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    Default Re: MY LAST SUMMER (Please correct!)

    Februar - it's good of you to attempt the corrections. However, while the majority of your corrections are right, some are wrong, and you have missed a lot of errors. The forum guidelines say that you must say at the beginning of a post if you are not a teacher (it's also helpful if you state that you are not a native speaker although that's not absolutely necessary). Yes, I completely forgot that.

    I don't have time to correct this long piece at the moment but I want to make sure that missedxsmile understands that post #2 does not represent a good amendment of the piece. Oh dear! Iím sorry.

    Iíd be grateful if you or someone else could find the time to help me with my wrong corrections and the missed errors.

    Thank you
    februar

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