[Essay] MY LAST SUMMER (Please correct!)

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missedxsmile

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Mar 31, 2013
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Spanish
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Chile
Current Location
Chile
During the summer I was working as a promoter so I didn’t go to many places.
My work wasn’t bored. I had to work in four different places and fortunately it was near to my house.
I was working at Ripley, Corona, Johnsons and La polar.
I worked In Ripley with my mother in law. Her name’s Ana María and she’s a cashier.
I also met two promoters. Pamela and Jocelyn. They were very helpful and nice with me. Pamela is 26 years old. She has got short brown hair with big brown eyes. Jocelyn is 22 years old. She has got large brown hair with brown eyes. Pamela is still working in Saxoline bags and Jocelyn was working in head bags but she quit 2 months ago.
I worked hardly ever in Corona because it hasn’t many bags to sell.
I worked in Johnsons and I get bored most of the time. Because people hardly ever bougut something but I went 2 or 3 times a week.

If I had to choose the place that I prefer I choose La Polar. Because I didn’t get bored. I had a good place to sell and the music was good. The only thing that I got upset was that the Guards were really anoying and they were always asking anything like my name, what do I do, and things like that.
If you think, spending 9 hours working at the mall wasn’t really fun at all. And I was always like a statue standing up without a chair to rest. It was awful.
There’s a picture of my everlast bags in Ripley

As I live with my boyfriend, I spent most of the time at home because I didn’t have so many time.
In my free time I was watching anime series like Death note, HunterxHunter, School Rumble, Full metal alchemist and Saikano (there are some pictures about these anime series). I learned a little more about cooking like how to make a centain bread. I read some books like De amor y de sombra by Isabel Allende and others. I didn’t have internet so I played a game on my computer. The game that I played was Skyrimm. It was a role playing game.


On January 10[SUP]th[/SUP] it was my birthday and I went to Puerto Varas with my friends and my boyfriend. We went to the beach and the water was frozen but I didn’t care. I swam with my brother until my lips and my hands were blue.We spent a pretty good day. My mother made me a cake. It was delicious. At noon we went Pichi Pelluco and I met some friends. My friends took a lot of photos and at the end of the day we were so tired and we went to our homes.

On February I went to Calbuco with my family’s boyfriend. It was a cloudy day. We aet a delicious curanto. I didn’t have any diet during the summer. But I didn’t care about that. Then We went to the beach. I swam but a few minutes because the water was pretty cold. We ate a lot of melon. I didn’t take any photos of that trip. At the afternoon my uncle’s boyfriend, my boyfriend and I took a boat and were fishing, but we didn’t get any fish. The most important lesson was the experience because the boat was old and we had to took a cup and get out all the water inside it!.

I saw the fireworks at the celebration of puerto montt’s week. They were amazing but I didn’t see many people, maybe because at the afternoot it was raining.
I visited my family’s boyfriend. My sister in law is 4 years old and she’s intelligent and cute. We saw some movies, we played and sometimes I taught her some things about english. I get on well with her.
This is a picture of us in my parents in law’s house

Obviously I visited a lot of times to my family. Sometimes my nephew was at home but sometimes he wasn’t. although I don’t live with my family I get on well with them. Except for my brothers. No, it was a joke.
There are some pictures of my vacations.

As you are looking living apart is not so easy and you have to work and to have a lot of patient.
Maybe next year my vacations will be more interesting and I’m going to show you in another presentation.
That’s all. I hope you had enjoying the video.


:up:
 

februar

Member
Joined
Sep 10, 2011
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
German
Home Country
Switzerland
Current Location
Switzerland
During the summer I was working as a promoter so I didn’t go to many places for pleasure.
My work wasn’t [STRIKE]bored[/STRIKE] boring as I [STRIKE]had to[/STRIKE] could work in four different places and fortunately it was near to my house.
I was working at Ripley, Corona, Johnsons and La Polar.
I worked [STRIKE]In[/STRIKE] in Ripley with my mother in law. Her name’s Ana María and she’s a cashier.
I also met two promoters. Pamela and Jocelyn. They were very helpful and nice [STRIKE]with[/STRIKE] to me. Pamela is 26 years old. She has got short brown hair with big brown eyes. Jocelyn is 22 years old. She has got large (thik or long?)brown hair with brown eyes. Pamela is still working in Saxoline bags and Jocelyn was working in head bags but she quit 2 months ago.
I hardly ever worked [STRIKE]hardly ever[/STRIKE] in Corona because it hasn’t many bags to sell.
I worked in Johnsons and I [STRIKE]get[/STRIKE] got bored most of the time. Because people hardly ever (or: seldom) [STRIKE]bougut[/STRIKE] bought something but I went 2 or 3 times a week.

If I had to choose the place that I prefer, I would choose La Polar. Because I didn’t get bored. I had a good place to sell and the music was good. The only thing that I got upset was that the Guards were really anoying and they were always asking anything like my name, what do I do, and things like that.
[STRIKE]If you think,[/STRIKE] Spending 9 hours working at the mall wasn’t really fun at all. And I was always like a statue standing up without a chair to rest. It was awful.
There’s a picture of my everlasting bags in Ripley

As I live with my boyfriend, I spent most of the time at home because I didn’t have so many time.
In my free time I was watching anime series like Death Note, HunterxHunter, School Rumble, Full Metal Alchemist and Saikano (there are some pictures about these anime series). I learned a little more about cooking like how to make a centain (certain?) bread. I read some books like De amor y de sombra by Isabel Allende and others. I didn’t have internet so I played a game on my computer. The game that I played was Skyrimm. It was a role playing game.


On January 10th it was my birthday and I went to Puerto Varas with my friends and my boyfriend. We went to the beach and the water was [STRIKE]frozen[/STRIKE] freezing but I didn’t care. I swam with my brother until my lips and my hands were blue. We spent a pretty good day. My mother made a cake for me. It was delicious. At noon we went to Pichi Pelluco and (or: where) I met some friends. My friends took a lot of photos and at the end of the day we were so tired and (or: that) we went to our homes.

[STRIKE]On[/STRIKE] In February I went to Calbuco with my family’s boyfriend. It was a cloudy day. We [STRIKE]aet[/STRIKE] ate a delicious curanto. I didn’t have any diet during the summer. But I didn’t care about that. Then [STRIKE]We[/STRIKE] we went to the beach. I swam but only a few minutes because the water was pretty cold. We ate a lot of melons. I didn’t take any photos of that trip. At the afternoon my uncle’s boyfriend, my boyfriend and I took a boat and were fishing, but we didn’t [STRIKE]get[/STRIKE] catch any fish. The most important lesson was the experience because the boat was old and we had to [STRIKE]took[/STRIKE] take a cup and get out all the water inside it!

I saw the fireworks at the celebration of Puerto Montt’s week. They were amazing but I didn’t see many people, maybe because [STRIKE]at[/STRIKE] in the afternoot it was raining.
I visited my family’s boyfriend. My sister in law is 4 years old and she’s intelligent and cute. We saw some movies, we played and sometimes I taught her some things about English. I get on well with her.
This is a picture of us in my parents in law’s house.

Obviously I visited my family a lot of times (or: many times) [STRIKE] to my family[/STRIKE]. Sometimes my nephew was at home but sometimes he wasn’t. Although I don’t live with my family I get on well with them. Except for my brothers. No, it was a joke.
There are some pictures of my vacations.

As you [STRIKE]are looking[/STRIKE] can see, living apart is not so easy and you have to work and [STRIKE]to have a lot of patient[/STRIKE] to have great patience.
Maybe next year my vacations will be more interesting and I’m going to show them to you in another presentation.
That’s all. I hope you had enjoying the video.
 
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emsr2d2

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Februar - it's good of you to attempt the corrections. However, while the majority of your corrections are right, some are wrong, and you have missed a lot of errors. The forum guidelines say that you must say at the beginning of a post if you are not a teacher (it's also helpful if you state that you are not a native speaker although that's not absolutely necessary).

I don't have time to correct this long piece at the moment but I want to make sure that missedxsmile understands that post #2 does not represent a good amendment of the piece.
 

februar

Member
Joined
Sep 10, 2011
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
German
Home Country
Switzerland
Current Location
Switzerland
Februar - it's good of you to attempt the corrections. However, while the majority of your corrections are right, some are wrong, and you have missed a lot of errors. The forum guidelines say that you must say at the beginning of a post if you are not a teacher (it's also helpful if you state that you are not a native speaker although that's not absolutely necessary). Yes, I completely forgot that.

I don't have time to correct this long piece at the moment but I want to make sure that missedxsmile understands that post #2 does not represent a good amendment of the piece. Oh dear! I’m sorry.

I’d be grateful if you or someone else could find the time to help me with my wrong corrections and the missed errors.

Thank you
februar
 
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