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  1. #1
    Brakha is offline Newbie
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    Angry Healthcare that leaves you.. dead ( please check for grammar& stylistics errors)

    Just heard a harrowing story and it just fortified my already strong prejudices against the quality of our healthcare.
    This woman got prescribed some drug by her gynecologist, which gave her Quincke’s edema. She was rushed to hospital, but was released shortly after, after being given some other drug.
    Later that night her condition worsened and she had to call an ambulance again. She was taken to that same hospital once again, now having pre-stroke symptoms. However, she was sent back home, since it was only ‘’pre-stroke’’ and there was nothing much to be concerned about. When she returned home she had a stroke, and while she was being taken to the hospital for the third time, she had another stroke and fell into a coma.

  2. #2
    billmcd is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: Healthcare that leaves you.. dead ( please check for grammar& stylistics errors

    Quote Originally Posted by Brakha View Post
    Just heard a harrowing story and it just fortified my already strong prejudices against the quality of our healthcare.
    This woman got prescribed some drug by her gynecologist, which gave her Quincke’s edema. She was rushed to hospital, but was released shortly after, after being given some other drug.
    Later that night her condition worsened and she had to call an ambulance again. She was taken to that same hospital once again, now then having pre-stroke symptoms. However, she was sent back home, since it was only ‘’pre-stroke’’ and there was nothing much to be concerned about. When she returned home she had a stroke, and while she was being taken to the hospital for the third time, she had another stroke and fell into a coma.
    Looks good. One minor suggestion.

  3. #3
    Brakha is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Healthcare that leaves you.. dead ( please check for grammar& stylistics errors

    Quote Originally Posted by billmcd View Post
    Looks good. One minor suggestion.
    Thanks a lot. Can you still tell that it was written by a non-native speaker though?

  4. #4
    billmcd is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: Healthcare that leaves you.. dead ( please check for grammar& stylistics errors

    да!

  5. #5
    Koronas is offline Member
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    Default Re: Healthcare that leaves you.. dead ( please check for grammar& stylistics errors

    Yes, a native speaker would say "strengthened" not "fortified".
    Quote Originally Posted by Brakha View Post
    I have Just heard a harrowing story and it just fortified my already strong prejudices against the quality of our healthcare.
    This woman got prescribed some drug by her gynecologist, which gave her Quincke’s edema. She was rushed to hospital, but was released shortly after, after being given some other drug.
    (Don't repeat "just" and "after". Phrase it using "having..." instead.)

    Later that night her condition worsened and she had to call an ambulance again. She was taken to that same hospital once again, now having pre-stroke symptoms. However, she was sent back home, since it was only ‘’pre-stroke’’ and there was nothing much to be concerned about. When she returned home she had a stroke, and while she was being taken to the hospital for the third time, she had another stroke and fell into a coma.
    Try to avoid repetition. You could write "once more".

  6. #6
    Brakha is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Healthcare that leaves you.. dead ( please check for grammar& stylistics errors

    Quote Originally Posted by Koronas View Post
    Yes, a native speaker would say "strengthened" not "fortified".

    Try to avoid repetition. You could write "once more".
    And if I'm not mistaken prejudice also collocates with reinforce and confirm?

  7. #7
    Koronas is offline Member
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    Default Re: Healthcare that leaves you.. dead ( please check for grammar& stylistics errors

    Yes, you could use those verbs.

  8. #8
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    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Healthcare that leaves you.. dead ( please check for grammar& stylistics errors

    Quote Originally Posted by Brakha View Post
    Just heard a harrowing story and it just fortified my already strong prejudices against the quality of our healthcare.
    This woman got prescribed some drug by her gynecologist, which gave her Quincke’s edema. She was rushed to hospital, but was released shortly after, after being given some other drug.
    Later that night her condition worsened and she had to call an ambulance again. She was taken to that same hospital once again, now having pre-stroke symptoms. However, she was sent back home, since it was only ‘’pre-stroke’’ and there was nothing much to be concerned about. When she returned home she had a stroke, and while she was being taken to the hospital for the third time, she had another stroke and fell into a coma.
    I'm not keen on the use of "This woman", "some drug" and "some other drug". They sound very casual. For the first paragraph, I would have said:

    A woman was prescribed a drug by her gynaecologist, but the drug caused Quincke's oedema. She was rushed to hospital but was released shortly after, having been given a different drug.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  9. #9
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Healthcare that leaves you.. dead ( please check for grammar& stylistics errors

    Quote Originally Posted by Brakha View Post
    Just heard a harrowing story and it just fortified my already strong prejudices against the quality of our healthcare.
    This woman got prescribed some drug by her gynecologist, which gave her Quincke’s edema. She was rushed to hospital, but was released shortly after, after being given some other drug.
    Later that night her condition worsened and she had to call an ambulance again. She was taken to that same hospital once again, now having pre-stroke symptoms. However, she was sent back home, since it was only ‘’pre-stroke’’ and there was nothing much to be concerned about. When she returned home she had a stroke, and while she was being taken to the hospital for the third time, she had another stroke and fell into a coma.
    I'm not keen on the use of "This woman", "some drug" and "some other drug". They sound very casual. For the first paragraph, I would have said:

    A woman was prescribed a drug by her gynaecologist, but the drug caused Quincke's oedema. She was rushed to hospital but was released shortly after, having been given a different drug.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

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