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  1. #1
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    Default Thesis Statement...

    I am writing a five page research paper on the Third Crusade. Before we get the paper started, we have to write up a thesis statement (last sentence of the introduction paragraph). This said, I would like to think of an appropriate thesis statement that would be interesting for the Third Crusades.

    Would something like this be okay?

    "The Third Crusade, though a failed attempt by the Christians to take Jerusalem, was fought by two of the greatest men of the era, Richard the Lion-Hearted and Saladin, and involved many thrilling battles."

    Or should I make revisions? If so... any suggestions?

  2. #2
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: Thesis Statement...

    It seems OK, though 'was fought' by suugests that they did all the fighting.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Thesis Statement...

    Okay, thank you. I changed "was fought by" to "involved".

  4. #4
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: Thesis Statement...

    That works, though you could add something like 'the rivalry'.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Thesis Statement...

    Yeah, that would have made it a bit more interesting to include such a word; however, it is unfortunate that I have already turned in my thesis statement, so I'll have to wait awhile before I can make any changes.

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