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  1. #1
    mustafaelbehery is offline Newbie
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    Exclamation IELTS ACADEMIC ESSAY # 2 ( correction please )

    The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children.

    To what extent do you agree of disagree with this opinion ?

    * From Cambridge IELTS Book 2, Test 4, Task 2.

    ************************************* *** My Essay ************************************************** *********

    Juvenile delinquency is one of the problems that face youth nowadays. As societies developing, working women have become more busy with work, than their families and children. I believe that working mothers is the principle reason for youth problems.

    Teenagers are the most affected age group from women's work. At this age, both males and females are in critical period on their life. Their character is being formulated, and they are trying to explore the life with both sides, good and bad. So that, with the absence of their mother during such period, they start to act without any guidance nor supervision.

    Parent's supervision is very important, specially that came from mothers. They are somehow closer to the children and have better effect than fathers. However, they feel in contrast to their mothers when they feel that they does not fully care about them. I myself, sometimes felt I am not the first priority to my mother, and I was acting in a strange way as I want to inform her with my objection.

    Some schools tries to act the role of parents, on youth supervision, instead of their parents. Much of working women send their children to such school, in order to gain more attention to the children. Although these schools have a better impact on youth character and personalities, they never replace the mother's role to them, and the children always feel lost.

    In conclusion, most of the youth problems are a result of working mothers. Although most of people think that women have the right to work, I believe that mothers do not have such right, because of children supervision and care are much more important.

  2. #2
    mustafaelbehery is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: IELTS ACADEMIC ESSAY # 2 ( correction please )

    WHAT UM SUPPOSED TO DO, SO THAT PEOPLE WHO VIEWED HELP ME & CORRECT THE ESSAY ?!!

  3. #3
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    5jj is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: IELTS ACADEMIC ESSAY # 2 ( correction please )

    Pay?

    Remember that the people who respond in these forums, giving up their free time to help others when they can. Correction of essays is a time-consuming business, and not many of have time for this.

    Sometimes you are fortunate, and somebody will be able to help you very quickly. At other times you may have to wait. Occasionally, nobody will have free time.

    Please don't show impatience when you are asking for something for nothing.
    Please do not edit your question after it has received a response. Such editing can make the response hard for others to understand.


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