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  1. #1
    zeyadsama is offline Newbie
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    Post Tell me my mistakes please or any better amendments

    *The essay about the negative atmosphere at job.Would you please review and correct it?
    I'm working in merchandising company.My job is programmer analyst.
    It is very stressful because I've to maintain the system online while working on the database.
    I go to work at 7 o'clock by subway.My working hours vary according to business needs.
    My boss is a slave drive,the most important thing for him is a profit so he is feather his own nest.
    I've a colleague who always looks for way to buck the system and the other one is foul-mouthed and slacker,therefore I don't get on well with them.
    I've tried to prevent their negative energy to spread like wildfire.
    On some days I've got my work out for me even in my holidays so they turn to be busman's holiday. ( 's refer to ?)
    Thence I'll give it up as bad job.

    Thanks in advance.
    Last edited by zeyadsama; 19-Apr-2013 at 20:19.

  2. #2
    zeyadsama is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Tell me my mistakes please or any better amendments

    Where are members ?

  3. #3
    Barb_D's Avatar
    Barb_D is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Tell me my mistakes please or any better amendments

    Quote Originally Posted by zeyadsama View Post
    *The essay about the negative atmosphere at job.Would you please review and correct it?
    I'm working in merchandising company.My job is programmer analyst.
    It is very stressful because I've to maintain the system online while working on the database.
    I go to work at 7 o'clock by subway.My working hours vary according to business needs.
    My boss is a slave drive,the most important thing for him is a profit so he is feather his own nest.
    I've a colleague who always looks for way to buck the system and the other one is foul-mouthed and slacker,therefore I don't get on well with them.
    I've tried to prevent their negative energy to spread like wildfire.
    On some days I've got my work out for me even in my holidays so they turn to be busman's holiday. ( 's refer to ?)
    Thence I'll give it up as bad job.

    Thanks in advance.
    Using so many figures of speech is not natural.
    When "to have" is the main verb, don't contract it.
    Unless your boss is stealing from the company, he's not "feathering his own nest."

    I'm working in a merchandising company. [You can also say "I work in..."] I am a programmer analyst.

    It is very stressful because I have to maintain the system online while working on the database.

    I go to work at 7 o'clock by subway. My working hours vary according to business needs.
    My boss is a slave drive. The most important thing for him are profits. [so he is feather his own nest. - not natural - but if you insist "so he can feather his own nest."]

    I have a colleague who always looks for ways to buck the system [What do you mean by this? This is an example of using a figure of speech you probably don't understand] and the other one is foul-mouthed and a slacker. Therefore I don't get on well with them.

    I've tried to prevent their negative energy from spreading like wildfire. [Just say "from spreading" not "like wildfire."]

    On some days I've got my work out for me even in my holidays so they turn to be busman's holiday. ( 's refer to ?) - I have no idea what you are trying to say here.

    Thence I'll give it up as bad job. - What do you mean?
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

  4. #4
    zeyadsama is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Tell me my mistakes please or any better amendments

    *buck the system:
    to refuse to follow the rules of an organization, so I wanted to use it as he's a bad employee.
    I guess the correct sentence will be I have a colleague who bucks the system!.
    Sorry I typed it in a wrong way . :)
    have your work cut out (for you)
    means that you've got a lot of hard work to do
    so the correct sentence will be I have my work cut out for me to backup the system even in my holidays so they turn to be busman's holiday.
    Busman'sholiday:
    a holiday where you do something similar to your usual work instead of having a rest from it.
    give 'sth' up as a bad job:
    to stop doing something because you do not feel it is worth continuing.Therefore I wanted to say quit in another way.
    I've tried to use new idioms to improve my English because If I use them I'll remember them in the future,but I guess I used them in wrong way

    Thanks very much Ms.Barb for helping me.

    Last edited by zeyadsama; 20-Apr-2013 at 13:15.

  5. #5
    Barb_D's Avatar
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    Default Re: Tell me my mistakes please or any better amendments

    I know what they mean. You used too many and you tried to force them into situations that aren't a good fit. Your second-to-last sentence was not grammatical. I've never seen "thence" used.
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

  6. #6
    zeyadsama is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Tell me my mistakes please or any better amendments

    :D you are right I tried to fit idioms to situations
    okay I can use therefore instead of thence you're right I wanted to use words old-fashioned ^^I don't know I learn it as second language.
    Thanks for your help and for your amendments.

  7. #7
    emsr2d2's Avatar
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    Default Re: Tell me my mistakes please or any better amendments

    Is there a reason that you want to use old-fashioned words and cram multiple idioms into a short piece of writing?
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

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