[Essay] thinking of becoming

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Ashiuhto

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Nov 30, 2010
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English Teacher
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Chinese
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Taiwan
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Taiwan
Please help me correct the following paragraph. Thanks!

My favorite subject is science because everything around us involves science. By learning science, I learn to think independently and conduct research, I learn all about the world that we live in, and science helps me to become better informed. For example, if we learn science, we won't fall for all those scams, cons, hoaxes, and quack medicines! Therefore, the study of science is essential. Science is fun and exciting. I’m thinking of becoming a scientist in the future. I want to uncover the mysteries of nature, perform experiments or carry out calculations to learn how the world works.
 

Route21

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Nov 27, 2010
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England
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Thailand
As an NES but not a teacher, the first thing I would do would be to break it up into a beginning, a mid section and an ending.

● First paragraph = first sentence.
● Third paragraph from "Therefore" onwards

Regards
R21
 

Ashiuhto

Senior Member
Joined
Nov 30, 2010
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
Chinese
Home Country
Taiwan
Current Location
Taiwan
Is the sentence structure grammatically correct as written?

By learning science, I learn to think independently and conduct research, I learn all about the world that we live in, and science helps me to become better informed.
 
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