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  1. #1
    amstivan is offline Newbie
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      • Student or Learner
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      • Home Country:
      • Slovak Republic
      • Current Location:
      • Slovak Republic
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    Please help me with writing my motivation letter and correcting my mistakes

    HI, I want to kindly ask you to proofread my motivation letter and help me correct and rephrase incorrectly written sentences. Thank you in advance.

    Dear Sir or Madam,

    I am hereby applying for entrance for the Bachelor's in Economic and Business at the Universiteit van Amsterdam in September 2013.In the following letter I will explain why I think that the UvA is the ideal university for me and I am for it.

    First of all, I would like to give you some background information about me.
    I am from the capital city of Slovakia, Bratislava. As my father has German heritage I was exposed to German at the very young age. As I started school I came across languages as Spanish and English. Being reminded the role of English as international language I wanted to become fluent. Also my father is an international businessman and I think that is what motivated me in pursuing career in business from very young age and seeing the importance of international languages in business.

    During my secondary education I participated in many exchange program to England and Scotland. I realized that living in another country was making me mature faster, acquire skills and clarifying my life goals. As I visited United Kingdom before, I chose USA as the country to spend a year in as an exchange student. Studying in USA offered many new experiences. I was the most interested in choosing subjects I preferred and picking classes with higher difficulty. This made me choose classes like Business and Marketing" and "Honors Contemporary American and World Issues". Business and Marketing inspired me to participate in DECA state championship. This experience made me realize that career in business is the one for me. Through Contemporary American and World Issues I participated in few school debates over subjects like same sex marriage and gun control. I think researching and debating issues like and similar to these made me ultimately choose Netherlands as the country in which I would like to live and study.

    A very obvious reason why the UvA is an attractive university is its internationality. Netherlands are already very international, but Amsterdam takes it a bit further making Amsterdam the perfect place to start an international business career. The university has a high percentage of international students. I would love to be among international students because it is a great possibility to broaden my horizons and get in touch with people on international scale, what I see a clear advantage in pursuing career in business and economics. Another good reason for me to join the UvA is its high standard of education. UvA is highly ranked and this attracts top professors. In addition, the wide range of top partner universities and student networks offer more possibilities to better education.

    The subject of Economics fascinates me, because of its influence from world to our daily decisions(Please help me rephrase this). I wish educate myself on its complexity and learn the useful tools on how to benefit from my knowledge on this subject. BSc in Economics and Business is the perfect program for me. After having completed BSC, I would like to extend my studies focusing on finance and UvA offers masters program just for that.

    All this distinguishes UvA from other universities and is making my choice clear on at what university I want to study.

    Thank you for considering my application. I would be very pleased to be granted admission for the fall term.

  2. #2
    EnglishFix is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
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      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
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      • Chile
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    Re: Please help me with writing my motivation letter and correcting my mistakes

    Dear Sir or Madam,

    I am hereby applying for entrance for the Bachelor's in Economics and Business at the Universiteit van Amsterdam in September 2013.

    The subject of economics fascinates me. It is interconnected with most social sciences and is the reason behind most our decisions. I wish to educate myself on its complexity and learn the useful tools on how to benefit from my knowledge on this subject. The BSc in Economics and Business is the perfect program for me. After having completed BSC, I would like to extend my studies focusing on finance and UvA offers master's program just for that.

    During my secondary education I participated in many exchange programs to England and Scotland. I realized that living in another country allowed me to be more mature, acquire new skills, and clarify my life goals. As I have visited United Kingdom before, I chose the USA as the country to spend a year in as an exchange student. Studying in the USA offered many new experiences. I was most interested in choosing subjects that I preferred and choosing classes that were more difficult.

    Among many highlights in the USA was my participation in the DECA state championships which is a competition for all business and marketing students in the whole state. I was fascinated about how businesses operated, how marketing worked, and how everybody could be unconsciously influenced. I also participated in a few school debates about subjects such as same sex marriage and gun control. Researching and debating these and similar issues influenced me in choosing the Netherlands as the country in which I would like to live and study.

    A very obvious reason why the UvA is an attractive university is its internationality. Amsterdam is very cosmopolitan country making UvA the perfect place to start an international business career. The university has a high percentage of international students. I would love to be among international students because it is a great opportunity to broaden my horizons and get in touch with people on an international scale. This I see as a clear advantage in pursuing a career in business and economics. Another good reason for me to join the UvA is its high standard of education. UvA is highly ranked and this attracts top professors. In addition, the wide range of top partner universities and student networks offer more possibilities for a better education.

    All this distinguishes UvA from other universities and is making my choice clear about at which university I want to study. Thank you for considering my application. I would be very pleased to be granted admission for the fall term.

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