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  1. #1
    junejunejune is offline Newbie
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    Exclamation please correct my vocabulary and grammar

    i never write english essay before and i already know my essay is messy so please help me
    any advice will be helpful for me


    what would you like the ggsb admissions board to know about your professional work and or academic experience?(professional work)
    i have experience as an english teacher at two english institutions(UNI ENGLISH INSTITUTION, EMI ENGLISH INSTITUTION). the reason that i choose this job i had many experience teaching english as a volunteering in vietnam, laos, cambodia, australia. so i could carry on it as a teacher also i wanted to learn to speaking front of people.
    it was beyond description experience for me, it was about communicate, understand each other between student with me that i always wanted that when i was student from my teacher.
    because in Korea we have most strict, competitive, pressure surrounding so honestly we couldn't think about what we want to do or discover our ability which is i already experienced and always felt that lack of system that we have no communicate between teacher and student, thus i try to be thoughtful teacher who accept their opinion, understand what they are going through also give them motivation for future not just for good rank of university or get a job.

    at EMI while i'm teaching i found out why are they can't concentrate class the reason that they get stressed, bored in english so i started to speak english during the class, that could be more stressful but i got a risk for that surprisingly it worked well at same time when they understand well and answer me, i gave them courage and compliment. i was knew that how much important teacher's behavior is effect to student. after few weeks later their attitude getting different. they were start to concentrate to class and after few months they got better grade from school and try to speak english. the reason that i could do this come out with student is i observing them carefully also concerning their thinking of my class.

    at UNI there are two teachers from south africa we made outcome with student. the reasons that we could do are every class has different level of english and different student type so we needed to figure out standard teaching. while discussing, collaborating, communicating we found out different way of thinking from different back ground culture that most impressive and gave me lesson. sometimes between foreign teacher and korean student have misunderstood that i need to make them understand that what they want to talk about, even though it was difficult to do it i felt accomplishment myself at one time i build my ability of convincing, adjusting.

    it wasn't for a long term but i could find out different my self than before i getting more flexible for everything, try to understand the gap of culture, i can speak front of people fluently. most important fact that i could see my progress such as observing carefully then make right strategy after apply which are also important doing business after forward.




    why are you interested in our particular program and how do you see it helping you to reach your future goal?

    while i'm looking for business school for undergraduate student then i met one of your student told me that there is program in english and internship with different part of business, exchange system all over the world that admire me. especially connection with China who has potential of economy that i most interested in. every year focus on different subject also at third year i can chose more specific subject that give advantage in my career forward.
    in terms of international business language is most necessary ability which is i always interested in also talented. so if i can study at grenoble it would be opportunity build my language skills.
    France has superior education system compare with any other country called ECOLE as we know, thus i can get more intensive, concentrate, practical education that might be competitive capacity over other job candidates.
    so i decide to come to france despite distance, i always eager to study abroad and wanted to be surround by people from different country, culture. thus i'm already ready to face with every different environment. also i think it makes me more independent and mature.

    in Korea we had war just 60years ago and also we made out most amazing progress with culture, economy, quality of life and now even we are supporting other poor country. but i realize that we have still missing some of part, for example we are getting more globalize but there's misunderstanding for accept different culture, and not enough welfare for labors as much as europe. also while i'm traveling around world i met a lots of different people who has different position and i could hear their diverse opinion of their system for labor.
    it was quiet different world for me. so if i can get a chance to study it will be great chance to learn about international business which is i can not learn and experience in korea.

    i always dreaming do the fair international business in developing country. because while traveling poor country and doing volunteer i saw many opportunity to developing their quality of life and sign of business more than enough with their environment and of course with local people. give proper salary to labor also try not to ruin local culture and environment. usually people think business as way of earning money but for me it's not, if i can do the business i'll do my best to progress local economy also i want to give them proper education which is they can learn to stand independently. this that's why i need superior education so i could carry on my future goal, also i've been searching, studying, experiencing as much as i can for my goal thus i know exactly what i want to do and can do well.




    what do you understand by culture shock? have you ever experienced it and how did you deal with it?

    i had experience of culture shock in Australia.
    i have friend who live in arnhem land in australia which is if you don't have permission you can not access because Australia government set the land for aboriginal to preserve their culture. fortunately i could visit with my friend for 2weeks. and every rainy season the road is flooded so we have to take a plane. when i first got there i was attracted that there are so many different animals are around village there's just less than 100 houses surround by mountains and rivers. i went out with my friend to look around and few minutes later bunch of child follow me with prying eyes and some of them starting to touching my hair and finally i got a question that most i got a shocked "what happened with your eyes?" we were freezing for a second and it was unexpected question for me also for my friend. after i said 'because i'm asian' but they couldn't understand still because they never seen asian before and even don't know what is asia it is. so after that happened at the dinner me and my friend we made great idea with their parents who work at school to teaching aboriginal children. we are going to make short class about learn other country that i could be a model.
    next day i went to school and we started class and i showed them globe with different picture of race and i explained easily i'm asian from south korea then surprisingly they are so falling in my class and understand it. after we played together do sports and camping together. and all the teachers was very satisfied that could have chance to indirect experience about another world from me. also for me it was shocked the other way unforgettable also chance to get to understand about other culture.

  2. #2
    SoothingDave is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: please correct my vocabulary and grammar

    Capitalize the word "I," all proper nouns and the first letter of every sentence.

    You need to write shorter sentences with one main idea in each sentence.

  3. #3
    junejunejune is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: please correct my vocabulary and grammar

    Quote Originally Posted by SoothingDave View Post
    Capitalize the word "I," all proper nouns and the first letter of every sentence.

    You need to write shorter sentences with one main idea in each sentence.

    thank you for reply
    but the problem is that i really can't get it how to do it if you don't mind could you show me that how to correct it with my sentence ??
    please thank you :)

  4. #4
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: please correct my vocabulary and grammar

    Quote Originally Posted by junejunejune View Post
    Thank you for your replybut the problem is that I really can't get it how to do it. If you don't mind, could you show me that how to correct it with my sentence? ??
    please Thank you. :)
    I'm sure you understand the instruction "Capitalise the word "I", capitalise all proper nouns and capitalise the first letter of every sentence". Start by doing that. You can see examples in our posts and also the corrections I have made in red above.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

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