[Application] PLEASE help me correct grammar in my motivation letter

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amstivan

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Joined
Apr 29, 2013
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Slovak
Home Country
Slovak Republic
Current Location
Slovak Republic
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am hereby applying for entrance for the Bachelor's in Economic and Business at the Universiteit van Amsterdam in September 2013.

The subject of Economics fascinates me. It is interconnected with most social sciences and is the reason behind most our decisions. I wish to educate myself on its complexity and learn the useful tools on how to benefit from my knowledge on this subject. BSc in Economics and Business is the perfect program for me. After having completed BSC, I would like to extend my studies focusing on finance and UvA offers master program just for that.

During my secondary education I participated in many exchange programs to England and Scotland. I realized that living in another country made me more mature, acquire new skills and clarify my life goals. As I visited United Kingdom before, I chose USA as the country to spend a year in as an exchange student. Studying in USA offered many new experiences. I was the most interested in choosing subjects I preferred and picking classes with higher difficulty. One among many highlights in the US was the participation at the DECA state championships; a competition for all business and marketing students in the whole state. I was fascinated about how businesses operated, how marketing worked and how everybody could be unconsciously influenced. I also participated few school debates over subjects like same sex marriage and gun control. Researching and debating these and similar issues influenced me in choosing Netherlands as the country in which I would like to live and study.

A very obvious reason why the UvA is an attractive university is its internationality. Amsterdam is very international making UvA the perfect place to start an international business career. The university has a high percentage of international students. I would love to be among international students, because it is a great possibility to broaden my horizons and get in touch with people on international scale. This I see as a clear advantage in pursuing career in business and economics. Another good reason for me to join the UvA is its high standard of education. UvA is highly ranked and this attracts top professors. In addition, the wide range of top partner universities and student networks offer more possibilities to better education.

All this distinguishes UvA from other universities and is making my choice clear on at what university I want to study. Thank you for considering my application. I would be very pleased to be granted admission for the fall term.
 

billmcd

Key Member
Joined
Mar 27, 2009
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
United States
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am hereby applying for entrance for the Bachelor's in Economic and Business at the Universiteit van Amsterdam in September 2013.

The subject of Economics fascinates me. It is interconnected with [STRIKE] most [/STRIKE] many social sciences and is the [STRIKE] reason [/STRIKE] [STRIKE] behind [/STRIKE] foundation upon which most financial [STRIKE] our [/STRIKE] decisions are based. I wish to [STRIKE] educate myself [/STRIKE] become educated on its complexity and learn the useful tools on how to benefit from my knowledge on this subject. A BSc in Economics and Business is the perfect program for me. After having [STRIKE] completed [/STRIKE] earned a BSC, I would like to [STRIKE] extend [/STRIKE] expand my studies by focusing on finance. [STRIKE]and[/STRIKE] I understand that UvA offers a master program just for that purpose.

During my secondary education I participated in many exchange programs [STRIKE] to [/STRIKE] in England and Scotland. I have realized that living in another country has made me more mature, has allowed me to acquire new skills and [STRIKE] clarify [/STRIKE] has clarified my life goals.[STRIKE] As I [/STRIKE] Having previously visited United Kingdom [STRIKE] before [/STRIKE], I chose the USA as the country [STRIKE] to [/STRIKE] in which to spend a year[STRIKE] in [/STRIKE] as an exchange student. Studying in the USA offered me many new experiences. I was [STRIKE] the [/STRIKE] most interested in [STRIKE] choosing [/STRIKE] subjects of my choosing [STRIKE]I preferred[/STRIKE] and [STRIKE] picking [/STRIKE] selecting classes[STRIKE] with [/STRIKE] of higher difficulty. One, among many of the highlights in the US, was the participation at the DECA state championships; a competition for all business and marketing students in the whole state. I was fascinated [STRIKE] about [/STRIKE] with how businesses operate[STRIKE]d[/STRIKE], how marketing worked and how everybody could be unconsciously influenced (Either explain this or delete it). I also participated in a few school debates over subjects like same sex marriage and gun control. Researching and debating these and similar issues influenced me in choosing Netherlands as the country in which I would like to live and study. (Why?)

A very obvious reason why the UvA is an attractive university is its internationality. Amsterdam is very international making UvA the perfect place to start an international business career. The university has a high percentage of international students. I would love to[STRIKE] be [/STRIKE] study among international students, because it is a great possibility to broaden my horizons and get in touch with people on an international scale. This I see as a clear advantage in pursuing a career in business and economics. Another good reason for me to join the UvA is its high standard of education. UvA is highly ranked and this attracts top professors. In addition, the wide range of top partner universities and student networks offer more possibilities to a better education.

All this distinguishes UvA from other universities and is making my choice clear [STRIKE] on at what [/STRIKE] as to which university I want to study. Thank you for considering my application. I would be very pleased to be granted admission for the fall term.

Suggestions.
 
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