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  1. #1
    Noman Shafiq is offline Newbie
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    Default kindly rate and correct my essay for IELTS writing, i want to acheive band 7

    These days more emphasis is being placed on university eduation vocational training is not encouraged, and thus there are few qualified trade people. To which extent do you agree aor disagree

    In the present age, most individuals endavour to acquire a graduate degree.Nowadays, it has become a trend, as most parents want to provide higher education to their nippers. At the meantime, it has sparked much debate, with some arguing that concentrating on post secondary education has a fundamentally beneficial influence on our society, while others contend that job certification training should be preferred.Apropos of the above mentioned statement, I am in partial accord with it, as both arguments should be given equal consideration.

    On the one hand, higher education has diverse strong points. The most imporatnt spelling factor is that it transpires maturity among the students, as they are able to accept challenges to a greater extent.Another significant factor is that young graduate candidates get various job opppotunities along with sufficient salary packages. Moreover, in our society, the populace provides noticable praise to higher qualified individuals, along with they have affording of being promoted up to higher ranks.

    A Convincing argument can be made in favour of introducing extensive trade short courses.The basic advantage of these courses is that those who do not have enough money can consummate such practical courses which provide hands on skills, ergo, they begin to earn money Another factor is that tradespeople can also plan their own individual curriculum which assists to establish new talents and better, skills . However, the basic drawback is that artisans are not paid high wages as compared to a qualified person.

    In the nutshell, in my pragmatic cognizance, acquiring higher professional education has a more postive impact on our society, as an educated populace is the backbone of a country.But, concurrently, one cannot nullify the importance of skilled workers, as without them, one cannot achieve their targets.

  2. #2
    Gillnetter is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: kindly rate and correct my essay for IELTS writing, i want to acheive band 7

    Quote Originally Posted by Noman Shafiq View Post
    These days more emphasis is being placed on university eduation vocational training is not encouraged, and thus there are few qualified trade people. To which extent do you agree aor disagree

    In the present age, most individuals endavour to acquire a graduate degree. (Space here and after each period) Nowadays, it has become a trend, as most parents want to provide higher education to their nippers (I don't know what a "nipper" is, to me it might mean a small dog). At In the meantime, it has sparked much debate, with some arguing that concentrating on post secondary education has a fundamentally beneficial influence on our society, while others contend that job certification training should be preferred. Apropos of the above mentioned statement, I am in partial accord with it, as both arguments should be given equal consideration.

    On the one hand, higher education has diverse (You're trying to hard, use "many") strong points. The most imporatnt important spelling factor is that it transpires maturity among the students (I have no idea what the first part of this sentence means), as they are able to accept challenges to a greater extent.Another significant factor is that young graduate candidates get various job opppotunities along with sufficient salary packages. Moreover, in our society, the populace provides noticable praise to higher qualified individuals, along with they have affording them having a chance of being promoted up to the higher ranks.

    A convincing argument can be made in favour of introducing extensive trade short courses short courses in the trades.The basic advantage of these courses is that those who do not have enough money can consummate such practical courses which provide hands on skills, ergo, they begin to earn money. Another factor is that tradespeople can also plan their own individual curriculum which assists helps them to establish learn new talents (One cannot "establish" or "learn" new talents, people are born with certain talents) and better skills . However, the basic drawback is that artisans are not paid high wages as compared to a more qualified person.

    In the a nutshell, in my pragmatic cognizance, acquiring higher professional education has a more postive impact on our society, as an educated populace is the backbone of a country.But, concurrently, one cannot nullify the importance of skilled workers, as without them, one cannot achieve their targets aim.
    Take your thesaurus and throw it away. Good writing is writing which is easy to read and easy to understand. I cannot imagine anyone using "pragmatic congnizance" in a serious sentence. Words are like people, like your neighbors. Words have to fit in (as you do with your neighbors) with the other words. One cannot just pick some words from a book and place them with other words - they have to fit. An example of what I am saying is your use of "consummate". The meaning is clear but a better choice would have been "finish".

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