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  1. #1
    HanibalII is offline Member
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    Default The moment my eyes crossed over....

    'She was already awake, and the moment my eyes crossed over her, I could feel my mouth lift into an enormous smile'


    Was wondering if anybody thought that was an odd phrase/wording in this particular context?

    Cheers
    I'm not a teacher yet, but I am studying a Bachelor of Education with an English Literature major at Charles Sturt University, in NSW, Australia.

  2. #2
    billmcd is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: The moment my eyes crossed over....

    Quote Originally Posted by HanibalII View Post
    'She was already awake, and the moment my eyes crossed over her, I could feel my mouth lift into an enormous smile'


    Was wondering if anybody thought that was an odd phrase/wording in this particular context?

    Cheers
    Well, I don't think I would have used that expression, but as an English Literature Major I'm sure you realize that authors create expressions, terms etc. that seem to be and are "unusual". Having noticed that yourself, I would be interested, based on your field of study, to know what expression you would replace it with.


  3. #3
    HanibalII is offline Member
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    Default Re: The moment my eyes crossed over....

    Quote Originally Posted by billmcd View Post
    Well, I don't think I would have used that expression, but as an English Literature Major I'm sure you realize that authors create expressions, terms etc. that seem to be and are "unusual". Having noticed that yourself, I would be interested, based on your field of study, to know what expression you would replace it with.

    I really don't know. My English lit teacher pointed out that she thought it was an unusual expression. Maybe it's the 'over her' part that's strange, because it implies he doesn't keep looking at her...

    I was thinking about changing it to 'the moment my eyes touched hers'
    I'm not a teacher yet, but I am studying a Bachelor of Education with an English Literature major at Charles Sturt University, in NSW, Australia.

  4. #4
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: The moment my eyes crossed over....

    I don't think the writer meant that their eyes met. I think it means that the man "looked her over" ie he looked up and down her body, from head to toe, and the sight of her made him smile.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  5. #5
    HanibalII is offline Member
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    Default Re: The moment my eyes crossed over....

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    I don't think the writer meant that their eyes met. I think it means that the man "looked her over" ie he looked up and down her body, from head to toe, and the sight of her made him smile.

    Well I'm honestly not sure what meaning I wanted behind it.

    I was trying to convey it that the mere sight of her made him smile.

    So I guess that's not how people have been interpreting it?
    I'm not a teacher yet, but I am studying a Bachelor of Education with an English Literature major at Charles Sturt University, in NSW, Australia.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: The moment my eyes crossed over....

    'She was already awake, and the moment my eyes crossed over her, I could feel my mouth lift into an enormous smile'

    I am afraid that I took it to mean that the sight of her caused me to go cross-eyed and that made me grin inanely.

  7. #7
    emsr2d2's Avatar
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    Default Re: The moment my eyes crossed over....

    "... when I turned to look at her, the sight made me smile".
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  8. #8
    HanibalII is offline Member
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    Default Re: The moment my eyes crossed over....

    Quote Originally Posted by 5jj View Post
    'She was already awake, and the moment my eyes crossed over her, I could feel my mouth lift into an enormous smile'

    I am afraid that I took it to mean that the sight of her caused me to go cross-eyed and that made me grin inanely.

    Oh dear :D

    Could you suggest any way for me to convey the meaning in a more clear fashion?
    I'm not a teacher yet, but I am studying a Bachelor of Education with an English Literature major at Charles Sturt University, in NSW, Australia.

  9. #9
    emsr2d2's Avatar
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    Default Re: The moment my eyes crossed over....

    Quote Originally Posted by HanibalII View Post
    Oh dear :D

    Could you suggest any way for me to convey the meaning in a more clear fashion?
    Well, I've tried to do that in post #7.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: The moment my eyes crossed over....

    Quote Originally Posted by HanibalII View Post
    Well I'm honestly not sure what meaning I wanted behind it.

    I was trying to convey it that the mere sight of her made him smile.
    You can probably learn two things from this: i) don't write anything until you know what you mean, and ii) if you mean "the mere sight of her made me smile" write that.
    "She was already awake, and as I turned to her, the mere sight of her caused my mouth to lift into an enormous smile". (I wouldn't actually write this, but it's not my story).
    You can break rule i) if you're writing in order to determine what you do mean.


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