Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 1 2
Results 11 to 18 of 18
  1. #11
    Rover_KE is offline Moderator
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Retired English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • England
      • Current Location:
      • England
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    14,430
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: The moment my eyes crossed over....

    I was thinking about changing it to 'the moment my eyes touched hers'.
    I wouldn't. You'll have people doing contortions trying to see if that's even possible.

  2. #12
    HanibalII is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Australia
      • Current Location:
      • Australia
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    468
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: The moment my eyes crossed over....

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    Well, I've tried to do that in post #7.

    Sorry, I must've passed over it.

    It sounds good. But it doesn't quite fit with what I've written.


    Quote Originally Posted by Rover_KE View Post
    I wouldn't. You'll have people doing contortions trying to see if that's even possible.
    This is why I love this site! :D

    Would 'the moment our gaze met ' sound better? To mean they both looked into each others eyes?

    Basically, the section is full of cliche lovey-dovey moments. It's making it very difficult to convey the scene in the right light...
    I'm not a teacher yet, but I am studying a Bachelor of Education with an English Literature major at Charles Sturt University, in NSW, Australia.

  3. #13
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    23,165
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: The moment my eyes crossed over....

    "The moment our eyes met" is a fairly standard phrase, but it doesn't work with "gaze" (although it would be "gazes" anyway). Given that you just said that my suggestion in post #7 didn't fit what you had originally written, I would say that the same goes for "The moment our eyes met". In your original, there was no suggestion that "she" was looking in your direction at all. It simply stated that your eyes "crossed over" her. I thought it was entirely possible that she was asleep and you were just looking at her and thinking "She's gorgeous. I'm a lucky guy!"
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  4. #14
    HanibalII is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Australia
      • Current Location:
      • Australia
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    468
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: The moment my eyes crossed over....

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    "The moment our eyes met" is a fairly standard phrase, but it doesn't work with "gaze" (although it would be "gazes" anyway). Given that you just said that my suggestion in post #7 didn't fit what you had originally written, I would say that the same goes for "The moment our eyes met". In your original, there was no suggestion that "she" was looking in your direction at all. It simply stated that your eyes "crossed over" her. I thought it was entirely possible that she was asleep and you were just looking at her and thinking "She's gorgeous. I'm a lucky guy!"
    It's a possibility.

    But it would require changes to the rest of this particular scene.


    This is the full scene if it helps:

    'When I got to my wife’s room, she was already awake. The moment my eyes crossed over her, I felt my mouth lift into an enormous smile. She was already dressed, with the discharge papers signed and sitting on the table, waiting for the nurse.'

    Right now I'm thinking of something more mundane like 'the moment I saw her'. Keeping it really simple. But I don't feel any emotion in that choice.



    I've really spent too long considering this choice. :D
    I'm not a teacher yet, but I am studying a Bachelor of Education with an English Literature major at Charles Sturt University, in NSW, Australia.

  5. #15
    Rover_KE is offline Moderator
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Retired English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • England
      • Current Location:
      • England
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    14,430
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: The moment my eyes crossed over....

    Quote Originally Posted by HanibalII View Post

    I've really spent too long considering this choice. :D
    Why don't you insert a smilie instead of typing ':D'?

  6. #16
    HanibalII is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Australia
      • Current Location:
      • Australia
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    468
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: The moment my eyes crossed over....

    Quote Originally Posted by Rover_KE View Post
    Why don't you insert a smilie instead of typing ':D'?

    Force of habit. Another forum I'm on uses keyboard shortcuts.
    I'm not a teacher yet, but I am studying a Bachelor of Education with an English Literature major at Charles Sturt University, in NSW, Australia.

  7. #17
    Rover_KE is offline Moderator
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Retired English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • England
      • Current Location:
      • England
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    14,430
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: The moment my eyes crossed over....

    Quote Originally Posted by HanibalII View Post
    Force of habit. Another forum I'm on uses keyboard shortcuts.
    In that case, the correct keyboard shortcuts for this form are here.

  8. #18
    5jj's Avatar
    5jj is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Retired English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • England
      • Current Location:
      • Czech Republic
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    28,168
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: The moment my eyes crossed over....

    And, more easily, they are available at the top of every post you type, between the font and link buttons.

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 1 2

Similar Threads

  1. [Vocabulary] his eyes get fixed or his eyes fix
    By Marina Gaidar in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 02-Dec-2012, 23:09
  2. can you say crossed?
    By TheShadow in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 24-Nov-2012, 14:36
  3. slanting eyes/almond eyes
    By moonlike in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 06-Oct-2012, 22:43
  4. crossed over
    By user_gary in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 09-Apr-2007, 03:35
  5. At the present moment and at the moment
    By bmo in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 02-Aug-2004, 19:34

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •