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  1. #1
    Edo Walhalla is offline Newbie
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    Default TOEFL INTEGRATED TASK

    Could you please have a little look in my essay, in order to check grammas mistake and see if the flow of writing is good? Thanks in advance

    In the reading passage it was said garlic has beneficial properties. It was used in the past too. For instance, Sanskrit ate it in 3000 b.c. and Ancient Egypt used to give it to slaves because they believed garlic would make them stronger so they could work harder. Nevertheless, Greeks and Romans belived garlic has magical power, and they give it to soldiers in order to make them more courageous and to prevent evil. Marco Polo as well used to bring garlic throughout his travel in Orient.
    Furthermore, Garlic juice was given to soldiers fighting in the World War I to prevent them from bacteria and infections. However this was done without medical evidence.
    The listening passage support the reading passage saying that lots of medical report does agree with this idea and showing how garlic works. In this passage it was said there are scientific evidences which prove garlic is really helpful: it actually kills 23 different kind of bacteria and it's since 1958 that garlic properties had been studied.
    Moreover, uncooked garlic has more beneficial properties than the cooked one. It can reduce blood pressure preventing of risk of heart attacks.

  2. #2
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    englishhobby is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: TOEFL INTEGRATED TASK

    Quote Originally Posted by Edo Walhalla View Post
    Could you please have a little look in my essay, in order to check grammas mistake and see if the flow of writing is good? Thanks in advance

    In the reading passage it was said garlic has beneficial properties. It was used in the past too. For instance, Sanskrit ate it in 3000 b.c. and Ancient Egypt used to give it to slaves because they believed garlic would make them stronger so they could work harder. Nevertheless, Greeks and Romans belived garlic has magical power, and they give it to soldiers in order to make them more courageous and to prevent evil. Marco Polo as well used to bring garlic throughout his travel in Orient.
    Furthermore, Garlic juice was given to soldiers fighting in the World War I to prevent them from bacteria and infections. However this was done without medical evidence.
    The listening passage support the reading passage saying that lots of medical report does agree with this idea and showing how garlic works. In this passage it was said there are scientific evidences which prove garlic is really helpful: it actually kills 23 different kind of bacteria and it's since 1958 that garlic properties had been studied.
    Moreover, uncooked garlic has more beneficial properties than the cooked one. It can reduce blood pressure preventing of risk of heart attacks.
    I have underlined some parts of your piece of writing which I think should be changed.
    What is "a reading passage"? I have never heard such a phrase before (I may be mistaken though).
    As to "Sanskrit ate it" (or ancient Egypt used to...) - are you using personification here?
    Greeks and Romans believed garlic has magical power - one should use the sequence of tenses here: Greeks and Romans believed garlic had magical power. etc
    Last edited by englishhobby; 10-May-2013 at 16:12.
    If I were a native speaker of English, I would never shut up. :-)

  3. #3
    Edo Walhalla is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: TOEFL INTEGRATED TASK

    Thank you so much. Yeah, it's quite difficult to understand because this is the final part of a task. First I heard a conversation (that's the listening passage) and then I read something about the same topic (that's the reading passage). In conclusion I need to write how the informations of the reading passage support the information in the listening one and do like a sort of essay.
    I looked the word you underlined for me..but I don't understand why "had been studied" and "used to bring garlic throughout his travel" are wrong. (I'll appreciate if you can explain me the reason you did underline it)

    Thanks

  4. #4
    englishhobby's Avatar
    englishhobby is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: TOEFL INTEGRATED TASK

    Quote Originally Posted by Edo Walhalla View Post
    I looked the word you underlined for me..but I don't understand why "had been studied" and "used to bring garlic throughout his travel" are wrong. (I'll appreciate if you can explain me the reason you did underline it)

    Thanks
    In the first case the Present Perfect, not the Past Perfect, should be used as the action started in the past (in 1958 to be exact) and is going on at the present time (the use of since implies it).

    In the second case it's difficult to say what you meant by " he brought garlic throughout his journey". Did he have it wih him all the time? Or did he "bring" it from some places? The verb bring means "to come with (something or someone) to a place" (see Webster Learner's Dictionary for example). So, which place did he come with garlic to? "Throughout his journey" is not a place, so you sentence is unnatural in my opinion (but I am not a native speaker).
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 18-May-2013 at 11:48. Reason: typo
    If I were a native speaker of English, I would never shut up. :-)

  5. #5
    Gillnetter is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: TOEFL INTEGRATED TASK

    Quote Originally Posted by Edo Walhalla View Post
    Could you please have a little look in at my essay, in order to check grammas grammatical mistakes and see if the flow of writing is good? Thanks in advance

    In the reading passage it was said garlic has beneficial properties. It was used in the past too. For instance, Sanskrit (Was there a person named Sanskrit? If not, use, "Sanskrit speakers") ate it in 3000 b.c. and the ancient Egyptians used to give it to slaves because they believed garlic would make them stronger so they could work harder. Nevertheless, Greeks and Romans belived believed garlic has had magical powers, and they give gave it to soldiers in order to make them more courageous and to prevent evil (What is the relationship between the eating of garlic and the prevention of evil?). Marco Polo, as well, used to bring garlic throughout his travels in the Orient (Do you mean that he carried garlic with him?).
    Furthermore, garlic juice was given to soldiers fighting in the World War I to prevent them from bacteria and infections. However, this was done without medical evidence.
    The listening passage supports the reading passage, saying that lots of medical reports does agree with this idea (Which idea?) and showing how garlic works. In this passage it was said there are is scientific evidences evidence which prove garlic is really helpful; it actually kills 23 different kinds of bacteria. and it's since 1958 that Garlic properties had been studied since 1958.
    Moreover, uncooked garlic has more beneficial properties than the cooked garlic one. It can reduce blood pressure, preventing of the risk of heart attacks.
    Gil

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