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  1. #1
    Promise Past is offline Newbie
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    Post IELTS Writing task 1, Kindly Rate it.

    The bar chart below shows the results of a survey conducted by a personnel department at a major company. The survey was carried out on two groups of workers: those aged from 18-30 and those aged 45-60, and shows factors affecting their work performance.

    Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.




    __________________________________________________ _______________________

    The bar chart illustrates a survey on two groups of employees on the elements that affect their work environment and efficiency.

    To begin with both groups seemed to agree on the importance of some factors, they differ on almost everything else. Work environment, Job security and respect from colleagues appear to be the least important factors to the group of workers aged eighteen to thirty years old, in contrast nearly 97 percent of them agreed that chances for personal development has the most significant influence on their work performance.

    Although nearly 50 percent of the group aged eighteen to thirty thought that job security was a notable influence, the number drops significantly to almost 30 percent of the second group aged forty-five to sixty . According to the graph the most noteworthy factors to the second group were money and team spirit.

    In summation, both groups see eye to eye on the importance of certain factors, such as competent bosses and work environment but seem to drastically disagree on others, for instance chances of personal development and relaxed work environments.

    __________________________________________________ __________________________


    If anyone has anytime I would appreciate it if you could rate my essay from 1-9.
    Thank you in advance.

  2. #2
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    probus is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: IELTS Writing task 1, Kindly Rate it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Promise Past View Post
    The bar chart below shows the results of a survey conducted by a personnel department at a major company. The survey was carried out on two groups of workers: those aged from 18-30 and those aged 45-60, and shows factors affecting their work performance.

    Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.




    __________________________________________________ _______________________

    The bar chart illustrates a survey on two groups of employees on the elements that affect their work environment and efficiency.

    To begin with both groups seemed to agree on the importance of some factors. They differ on almost everything else. Work environment, job security and respect from colleagues appear to be the least important factors to the group of workers aged eighteen to thirty years old. In contrast nearly 97 percent of them agreed that chances for personal development has the most significant influence on their work performance.

    Although nearly 50 percent of the group aged eighteen to thirty thought that job security was a notable influence, the number drops significantly to almost 30 percent of the group aged forty-five to sixty. According to the graph the most noteworthy factors to the second group were money and team spirit.

    In summation, both groups see eye to eye on the importance of certain factors, such as competent bosses and work environment but seem to drastically disagree on others, for instance chances of personal development and relaxed work environments.

    __________________________________________________ __________________________


    If anyone has any time I would appreciate it if you could rate my essay from 1-9.
    Thank you in advance.
    Not a bad effort at all. I won't assign a numeric grade to it because I have no experience as an IELTS teacher. Watch out for those run-on sentences. Each idea deserves a sentence of its own. And avoid exotic punctuation like dashes. That's a risk of error you don't need to take. Lastly, note that anytime and any time have quite different meanings.
    Last edited by probus; 12-May-2013 at 04:05.

  3. #3
    Promise Past is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: IELTS Writing task 1, Kindly Rate it.

    Thank you very much for your help probus. Punctuation is one of the weaknesses that I'll try to work on.

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