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  1. #1
    Edo Walhalla is offline Newbie
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    Default How to make a good example

    According to you, it's the following example good to say in written English or not?
    I would like to use two invented people to make a good example but I don't know whether is good or not.

    I'll help myself with two fake students, Jonh and Mark. Jonh goes to school everyday and he follows every classes. Mark is always at home and he skips schools. Probably, Jonh's marks would be higher than Mark's one, ever if Mark studies everyday more than Jonh. This happens because Jonh goes to school amd he pays attention to the teacher and this is more important than study alone at home.

    Thanks in advance

  2. #2
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: How to make a good example

    Quote Originally Posted by Edo Walhalla View Post
    According to youIn your opinion, it's is the following example good to say in well-written English or not?

    I would like to use two invented people to make a good example but I don't know whether is good or not. Unnecessary

    I'll help myself (this definitely isn't the right verb but I don't understand what you want to say so I can't correct it) with two fake students, Jonh John and Mark. Jonh John goes to school everyday every day and he follows attends every classes class. Mark is always at home and he skips schools school. Probably Jonh's John's marks would probably be higher than Mark's one ever even if Mark studies studied everyday more than Jonh John every day. This happens because Jonh John goes to school amd and he pays attention to the teacher. and This is more important than studying alone at home.

    Thanks in advance.
    Please see my amendments in red above. Note that the correct spelling of the first student's name is "John".
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  3. #3
    Edo Walhalla is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: How to make a good example

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    Please see my amendments in red above. Note that the correct spelling of the first student's name is "John".
    Thank you so much. Your English is awesome and, reading the corrections you made, I'm improving my English.
    I wrote the sentence "I'll help myself with two fake students" because my example will start in the middle of my essay. For example: I need to write an essay about skipping class or not. When I stat, I would say the reason why, in my opinion, it's better to attend class. Then, to add and example, I would say "I'll help myselfwith two fake students". I don't know if I help you to understand what I mean. It's a sort of "introduction" for the example I'm going to write.
    Second of all, I don't undestand a correction you made:
    - in the phrase "John's marks would probably be higher than Mark's one" why is the word "one" wrong? I mean in written English subject is compulsory;

    Thank you

  4. #4
    emsr2d2's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to make a good example

    Quote Originally Posted by Edo Walhalla View Post
    Thank you so much. Your English is awesome and, reading the corrections you made, I'm improving my English.
    That's very nice of you to say but my English is not awesome - it's just my native language!

    I wrote the sentence "I'll help myself with two fake students" because my example will start in the middle of my essay. For example: I need to write an essay about skipping class or not. When I stat, I would say the reason why, in my opinion, it's better to attend class. Then, to add and example, I would say "I'll help myselfwith two fake students". I don't know if I help you to understand what I mean. It's a sort of "introduction" for the example I'm going to write.
    Perhaps you could say "I will use two made-up students as an example".

    Second of all, I don't undestand a correction you made:
    - in the phrase "John's marks would probably be higher than Mark's one" why is the word "one" wrong? I mean in written English subject is compulsory.
    Using "one" made no sense. You could have said "John's marks would probably be higher than Mark's marks" (which sounds strange) but "one" is not a replacement for "marks", partly because "marks" is plural and "one" is singular.

    Thank you.
    Please see my comments above.

    I have a question - when will you submit this essay to your teacher/tutor?
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  5. #5
    Edo Walhalla is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: How to make a good example

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    Please see my comments above.

    I have a question - when will you submit this essay to your teacher/tutor?
    I mustn't submit this to anybody. I've done this only because I'm going to take the TOEFL exam, and the "writing section" it's my raw nerve. Thus, I'm writing as much as I can to improve my writing. I learnt English in Australia, because I spent 3 months there as an exchange student two years ago. I can speak pretty good English, listening and reading are not my problems but I cannot write. Even in Italian, which is my native language, I really do awful essays. Moreover, writing takes me so much time because I need to go through what I wrote to check it, but I've no time (allowed time is 20 - 30 minutes, it depends from the tasks). In addiction, I've never studied English grammar with a teacher, indeed I'm studying in now by myself.
    This is the reason why I'm writing a lot

  6. #6
    emsr2d2's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to make a good example

    Quote Originally Posted by Edo Walhalla View Post
    I mustn't submit this to anybody. I've done this only because I'm going to take the TOEFL exam, and the "writing section" it's my raw nerve. Thus, I'm writing as much as I can to improve my writing. I learnt English in Australia, because I spent 3 months there as an exchange student two years ago. I can speak pretty good English, listening and reading are not my problems but I cannot write. Even in Italian, which is my native language, I really do awful essays. Moreover, writing takes me so much time because I need to go through what I wrote to check it, but I've no time (allowed time is 20 - 30 minutes, it depends from the tasks). In addiction, I've never studied English grammar with a teacher, indeed I'm studying in now by myself.
    This is the reason why I'm writing a lot
    OK, that's fine. It was just that when you started talking about your "essay", I was concerned this was an assignment which, of course, we can't help with. You might want to take another look at the word I've marked in red above. I think it's a rather marvellous typo, given that you are clearly very keen on learning and practising English!
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  7. #7
    Edo Walhalla is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: How to make a good example

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    OK, that's fine. It was just that when you started talking about your "essay", I was concerned this was an assignment which, of course, we can't help with. You might want to take another look at the word I've marked in red above. I think it's a rather marvellous typo, given that you are clearly very keen on learning and practising English!
    Ahahha of course it is (I'm studying English every day but I'm not addicted by English yet).
    I meant "in addition" :)

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