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  1. #1
    ben0804 is offline Newbie
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    Default Please correct my grammar

    Reason I am writing this letter is to let you know my intention and my interest to start up a business.


    First I would like to share some of my background so that you can understand better on why I am asking Jane to help me.
    apart of my profession, I owning a small bar and budget hotel in an island. I always will find an opportunity to invest and gain profit from it. I did struggled much since my first business where it was a total flop. I am looking for a passionate person who is keen to own a business. Since Jane is a doctor, I would like to ask her if she wants to own a clinic. I can invest and start up a clinic, and I need full commitments from Jane as she is in these field.
    I have no idea on how much to invest and the most important part is, the person must be reliable and trustworthy.
    there are too many things to be considered to start up a clinic. such as medicines and some other inventories and of course I have my role as well to prepare and manage.
    I can only talk to her when she start to consider my plans.
    My cousin sister is a doctor and just finished her MBBS currently practising as MO (medical officer in a government hospital) and it's too early for her to manage and run a clinic.
    Since Jane is working in a private clinic, I hope she can consider this by not thinking that I am irritating.
    Maybe I can explain more and show her some proof that I keen into this.


    I never write and explain to anyone like this, and I have some hope that she will give a positive answer.
    There are very few lady doctors for me to approach about my plans, but if not Jane, maybe some other doctor might own a clinic, and of course it's based on 70-30 profit sharing. If everything goes well.
    So I hope at least you can know my real intention in this. Not to impress anyone or tackle a girl as she mentioned that she got no time for this. without knowing my purpose.




    Thank you,
    Ben
    Last edited by ben0804; 22-May-2013 at 03:46. Reason: Made font bigger and easier to read

  2. #2
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Please correct my grammar

    Welcome to the forum.

    I have moved your thread to the Editing and Writing Topics section which is more appropriate.

    The first thing you should do is click the "Edit Post" button on your post and capitalise the word "I" (first person singular) every time it appears. You also need to capitalise the first word of every sentence. When you have typed "its" and it is short for "it is", you need to add an apostrophe - it should be "it's". Make those changes (don't forget to save the changes) and then we will look at the rest.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  3. #3
    ben0804 is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Please correct my grammar

    Thank you for your comments. Please have a look and help me to improve my sentence and grammar.

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