[Essay] IELTS essay answer...comments needed!

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Melissa Chua

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I'm preparing for IELTS exam and require a minimum band score of 8.0. So please help me to reach that target by commenting on my essay below. Thank you!






The best way to reduce the number of traffic accidents is to raise the age limit for younger drivers and to lower the age limit for aged drivers. Do you agree ?


There has been a global surge in traffic accidents in the recent decades. Devastatingly, many of these accidents have immobilized or killed vulnerable road users. Research has demonstrated that most traffic accidents are instigated by inexperienced and unfit drivers. To be safe rather than sorry, it is henceforth crucial to debate on whether adjusting the age limits of drivers can curb traffic accidents. This essay will categorically address the experience and fitness of both the underage and the overage.

Young drivers are stereotypically reckless and irrational. Many are intoxicated at night and therefore do not have a proper control of the steering wheel. Drunk driving not only risks the drivers’ life, but also that of other innocent road users nearby. Imposing a strict ban on drunk and negligent drivers involved in accidents would increase awareness of responsible driving. The government should also pressure driving schools to increase the age limit for driving lessons nationwide. While physically fit, the underage may be too inexperienced to be behind the steering wheel.

On another spectrum, many aged drivers are too physically unfit to navigate their vehicles. Importantly many of them have failing eyesight, poor concentration, and heart problems. Regardless of their years of driving experience, the aged are unfit to circumvent unforseen road dangers that require spontaneous, precise judgments. This poses serious safety problems to both the aged drivers themselves and the community. For the aforementioned reasons, it is justifiable to lower the age limit for aged drivers.
In a nutshell, there is a dire need for the government to impose stringent rules on drivers. Limiting the age range of legal drivers would promote a safer environment for road users in the country.
 

EnglishFix

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There has been a global surge in traffic accidents in recent decades. Devastatingly, many of these accidents have immobilized or killed vulnerable road users. Research has demonstrated that most traffic accidents are instigated by inexperienced and unfit drivers. To be safe rather than sorry, it is henceforth crucial to debate on whether adjusting the age limits of drivers can curb traffic accidents. This essay will categorically address the experience and fitness of both the underaged and the overaged.

Young drivers are stereotypically reckless and irrational. Many are intoxicated at night and therefore do not have proper control of the steering wheel. Drunk driving not only risks the drivers’ life, but also that of other innocent road users nearby. Imposing a strict ban on drunk and negligent drivers involved in accidents would increase awareness of responsible driving. The government should also pressure driving schools to increase the age limit for driving lessons nationwide. While physically fit, the underaged may be too inexperienced to be behind the steering wheel.

On another spectrum, many aged drivers are too physically unfit to navigate their vehicles. Importantly many of them have failing eyesight, poor concentration, and heart problems. Regardless of their years of driving experience, the aged are unfit to circumvent unforseen road dangers that require spontaneous, precise judgments. This poses serious safety problems to both the aged drivers themselves and the community. For the aforementioned reasons, it is justifiable to lower the age limit for aged drivers.

In a nutshell, there is a dire need for the government to impose stringent rules on drivers. Limiting the age range of legal drivers would promote a safer environment for road users in the country.
 
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