[Essay] IELTS Essay - Task 2 . Some opinion, please!

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claudia1976

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I am preparing for IELTS, too. And that's why I would be very thankful to you if you give me some opinions about this essay. Thanks in advance!

Task2:Many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first punishment. Why is this happening and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

Many of those who commit crimes are tented to recidivate after serving their first punishment. We could ask ourselves why’s that. And there could be a lot of factors involved, such as the social and educational background of the offenders, the overdone disapproval of the society or their inability of rehabilitation.
First of all, the punishment system should have not only a strictly punishing effect, but also an educational effect,trying to rehabilitate the criminal behaviors of the offenders. That’s why, for instance, the prisons should be not only the places which restrict the freedom of the offenders, but also the places where those offenders learn how to change their criminal behavior and how to integrate themselves into society after serving their punishment. In order to achieve this goal, there could be all kinds of programs through which the offenders can learn how to use their skills for serving the society after releasing from prison. In this way, they could reintegrate into the healthy society by earning an honest and legal way of leaving.
Secondly, there has to be a positive feedback on behalf of the society. People, sometimes, tend to overdo their disapproval regarding those with criminal background. That could be one of the problems of the offenders’ inability of reintegrating into the normal society, after releasing from prison.
In conclusion, both sides have to do some efforts. The offenders should try their best to prove that they are worth of rehabilitation and the society should give them all the proper chances for this to happen. And, most important, between those two sides should always interpose the law’s system with its punishments, but also with its measures of rehabilitation and reintegration of those with criminal background, into the healthy society.
 

EnglishFix

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Many of those who commit crimes tend to recidivate after serving their first punishment. We could ask ourselves why that is. And there could be a lot of factors involved, such as the social and educational background of the offenders, the extreme disapproval of the society or their inability for rehabilitation.

First of all, the punishment system should not only have a strictly punishing effect, but also an educational effect, which tries to rehabilitate the criminal behaviors of the offenders. That’s why, for instance, the prisons should not only be places which restrict the freedom of the offenders, but also places where those offenders learn how to change their criminal behavior and how to integrate themselves into society after serving their punishment. In order to achieve this goal, there could be all kinds of programs through which the offenders can learn how to use their skills for serving the society after being released from prison. In this way, they could reintegrate into society by earning an honest and legal living.

Secondly, there has to be positive feedback on behalf of the society. People, sometimes, tend to overdo their disapproval regarding those with criminal backgrounds. That could be one of the problems of the offenders’ inability to reintegrate into the normal society, after being released from prison.

In conclusion, both sides have to make some efforts. The offenders should try their best to prove that they are worthy of rehabilitation and society should give them all the proper chances for this to happen. And, most important, between those two sides there should always be an interposition of the system of law with its punishments, but also with its measures of rehabilitation and reintegration for those with criminal background, into society.
 
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