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Thread: proofreading

  1. #1
    merryasia is offline Newbie
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    Post proofreading

    I am translating a school admission letter from Chinese into English for my friend, Can any native English help me proofreading? thank you in advance

    I am a girl with full of confidence, with sincerity, always being positive and eager to win. Not only am I the 100 meter champion on the sports day, but also have won many performance awards on school art day festival. These are the best occasions to present my talents and confidence.

    I like arts, I enjoy singing, playing violin, going to art exhibition and etc. I enjoy browsing arts magazines, especially visual arts draw my attention; I would attempt trying to feel what the message is trying to deliver.
    After entered the school of China Central Academy of Fine Arts, I learned how to sketch, how to paint, hand painting as well as 3D design, gradually as time flied by, it stirred up my curiosity in learning jewelry design, the fundamental jewelry design course which I took enhanced my interest to the point where I finally want to set my career on jewelry design profession.
    I believe, either accessories or jewelry is used for decoration purpose. However, jewelry design itself is a channel that designer and jewelry wearers want to express their ideology and philosophy in a non verbal manner.

    My parents were very supportive of my choice, they encouraged me, even gave me a chance to study in the UK, which broadened my horizon. I discovered some old historical invaluable artworks embedded with elegant design. There are numerous number of art exhibitions, galleries in overseas, which also triggered my interest on learning as well as unlocked my imagination, put on the think cap. That is where it is worth the effort to learn Jewelry design.

    I really want to study the jewelry design course at your school, it is because, your school offers the openness to new ideas and approaches, along with a team of very knowledgeable professors. There are also many students from around the world, as a good platform to exchange ideas, culture and finding more creative inspiration. These are the advantages of studying at your school which caught most my attention, which is also my deepest desire to dig out uncountable interesting ideas from your school

    Regarding school course, I am interested in studying the differences between the traditional jewelry design and modern jewelry design, though these two are very different from each other in terms of sensation, yet I am interested in combining two different aspects together, so to speak, old tradition inheritance combining with modern creativity together. It is an innovational approach, will definitely bring a good impact on me.

    After graduation, I resolve to continue the study on jewelry design, by doing postgraduate study to further develop jewelry profession and hence create my own style on jewelry field. I dream one day, I will be a successful unique jewelry designer after gaining enough work experience in jewelry design in overseas; meanwhile, after post graduate study, I also plan to study fashion management, that, by then can also be put into promoting my own design of jewelry.

    Jewelry is the new rising industry; it is believed there will be plenty of space for growth. I will take the initiative to learn all the knowledge and design theories of Jewelry; and one day put all of them to work.

  2. #2
    EnglishFix is offline Member
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    Default Re: proofreading

    I am a girl who is full of confidence and sincerity and who is always being positive and eager to win. Not only am I the 100 meter champion on sports day, but I also have won many performance awards at the school art day festival. These are the best occasions to present my talents and my confidence.

    I like arts. I enjoy singing, playing violin, going to art exhibitions, etc. I enjoy browsing art magazines, the visual arts especially draw my attention. I attempt to feel what message the artist is trying to deliver.

    After entered the China Central Academy of Fine Arts, I learned how to sketch and how to paint. I learned hand painting as well as 3D design. Gradually as time flew by, my curiosity was stirred up to learn jewelry design. The fundamental jewelry design course which I took enhanced my interest to the point where I finally want to focus my career on the jewelry design profession -either accessories or jewelry that is used for decorative purposes. Jewelry design itself is a channel that designers and jewelry wearers use to express their ideology and philosophy in a non-verbal manner.

    My parents were very supportive of my choice. They encouraged me and even gave me a chance to study in the UK which broadened my horizons. I discovered some old historical and invaluable artwork embedded with elegant designs. There are numerous art exhibitions and galleries overseas, which also triggered my interest in learning as well as unlocking my imagination. That is where it is worth the effort to learn jewelry design.

    I really want to take the jewelry design course at your school. It is because your school offers an openness to new ideas and approaches, along with a team of very knowledgeable professors. There are also many students from around the world which is a good platform to exchange ideas, culture and to find more creative inspiration. These are the advantages of studying at your school which caught my attention. It is also my deepest desire to dig out uncountable interesting ideas from your school

    Regarding your school's courses, I am interested in studying the differences between traditional jewelry design and modern jewelry design. Though these two are very different from each other in terms of sensation, I am interested in combining the two different aspects - the old traditional inheritance combined with modern creativity. It is an innovational approach that will definitely have a good impact on me.

    After graduation, I resolve to continue the study of jewelry design by doing postgraduate study to further develop the jewelry profession and hence create my own style in jewelry field. I dream one day that I will be a successful unique jewelry designer after gaining enough work experience in jewelry design overseas. Meanwhile, after my post graduate study, I also plan to study fashion management so by then I can also promote my own jewelry designs.

    Jewelry is a new rising industry. It is believed there will be plenty of space for growth. I will take the initiative to learn all the knowledge and design theories of jewelry and one day put all of them to work.

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