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  1. #1
    Naeem Afzal is offline Member
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    Default Please correct my letter (a bit urgent) thank you

    Hi teachers,

    I want to send this complaint to the Head Office. So I would like to request you to correct my broken English as soon as possible, thanks in advance.

    Dear Sir/Madam
    I would like to lodge a complaint about the staff of the UBL, Main Branch Dadyal. I had an account with this bank but I closed it because I often faced problems withdrawing money whenever I needed it. Moreover, I noticed that friends of the staff were in privileged and they showed no interest to all the account holders in the same way. However, there's a token system now.
    I closed two accounts respectively:
    Mohammad Shaban, Account No. 37xxxxx:
    Joint Account: Mohammad Shaban and Mohammad Ellahi, Account No. 11xxxxx
    We had a mini-Branch of the aforementioned bank in our village but it was deprived of some facilities in the past but as soon as it has the facility to open foreign account and some other services, I opened an account with this bank.
    Our house is in the process of being constructed. Therefore, we have to pay large sums of money. The other day I went to the mini Branch of UBL to take out some money. Unfortunately, they asked me to visit the Main Branch due to shorage of foreign account cash. i travelled to the Main Branch to get money but they cooked up a rediculous excuse about my sign not being matched and refused to give me money. I even showed them my original National ID Card and UK Driving License but I had to come back with disappointment.
    I'll request my friends and relatives to close their account in case they have one with this bank and what else is possible for me if those in authority take no proper action.

  2. #2
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Please correct my letter (a bit urgent) thank you

    Quote Originally Posted by Naeem Afzal View Post
    Hi teachers,

    I want to send this complaint to the Head Office. So I would like to request you to correct my broken English as soon as possible, thanks in advance.

    Dear Sir/Madam

    I would like to lodge a complaint about the staff of the UBL, Main Branch​, Dadyal. I had an account with this bank but I closed it because I often faced problems withdrawing money whenever I needed it. Moreover, I noticed that friends of the staff were in privileged given special/privileged treatment and which they showed no interest did not afford to all the account holders. in the same way. However, there's a token system now. (I have no idea what the last sentence means. What is a "token system"?)

    I closed two accounts, respectively namely:

    1. Mohammad Shaban, Account No. 37xxxxx
    2. Joint Account: Mohammad Shaban and Mohammad Ellahi, Account No. 11xxxxx

    We had a mini-branch of the aforementioned bank in our village but it was deprived of some which did not offer the full range of facilities in the past. but However, as soon as it has offered the facility to open foreign accounts and some other services, I opened an account with this bank.

    Our house is in the process of currently being constructed under construction. Therefore, we have to pay large sums of money. The other day I went to the mini-branch of UBL to take out withdraw some money. Unfortunately They asked told me to visit the main branch due to a shortage of foreign account cash (Do you mean "cash held in the foreign account" or actual "foreign currency"?).

    I travelled went to the main branch to get money but they cooked up gave me a ridiculous excuse about my sign signatures not being matched matching and they refused to give me money. I even showed them my original National ID Card and UK Driving License but I had to come back with disappointment to no avail. I had to leave without my money.

    I'll request I will recommend that my friends and relatives to close their accounts with your bank. in case they have one with this bank and What else is possible for me can I do if those in authority take no proper action?

    I look forward to hearing from you with regard to the treatment I received at the main branch.

    Yours faithfully


    [Your name]
    See above for my suggested amendments. I would point out though that if you have already closed both of your accounts with the bank, there is no real urgency to this letter. Also, as you are no longer a customer, they might take no notice of your complaint.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  3. #3
    Naeem Afzal is offline Member
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    Default Re: Please correct my letter (a bit urgent) thank you

    Thank you very much, emsr2d2.
    I wanted to withdraw 1800 pounds but the mine-branch had only 800 pounds.

  4. #4
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Please correct my letter (a bit urgent) thank you

    Quote Originally Posted by Naeem Afzal View Post
    Thank you very much, emsr2d2.
    I wanted to withdraw 1800 pounds but the main branch had only 800. pounds.
    Yes, I understand that they didn't have sufficient money but I wasn't clear on whether you wanted to withdraw the equivalent of 1800 in local currency, or if you needed 1800 in actual UK currency. It's academic really as they didn't have enough money but I thought it would make it clearer.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  5. #5
    Naeem Afzal is offline Member
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    Default Re: Please correct my letter (a bit urgent) thank you

    I wanted to withdraw 1800 in actual UK currency. The mini-branch had only 800. The manager asked me to go to the main branch and they made that ridiculous excuse.

  6. #6
    emsr2d2's Avatar
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    Default Re: Please correct my letter (a bit urgent) thank you

    Quote Originally Posted by Naeem Afzal View Post
    I wanted to withdraw 1800 in actual UK currency. The mini-branch had only 800. The manager asked me to go to the main branch and they made that ridiculous excuse.
    In that case, I would make the sentence "Unfortunately, they asked me to visit the Main Branch due to shorage of foreign account cash" into "They told me to visit the main branch, due to a shortage of foreign currency in/at the mini-branch".
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 11-Jun-2013 at 23:27.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  7. #7
    Naeem Afzal is offline Member
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    Default Re: Please correct my letter (a bit urgent) thank you

    Thank you very much for your help.

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