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  1. #1
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    Default Anyone got time for a little history paragraph?

    Hi guys, sorry to bother you all again. I am wondering if anyone have some free time here to look over my short history paragraph that I am going to hand in soon. Its not long and its quite interesting.

    Thanks alot.

    Q: Compare and contrast in what way the natural setting of both ancient Mesopotamia and Egypt ensured flourishing civilizations?

    Civilizations in both Egypt and Mesopotamia flourished because of the rivers in both areas provided fertile land, a highway for communication, and upper and lower regions that allowed for specialization but these two areas also have unique features like landscapes, flooding behaviors, and natural protections that helped the civilizations to flourish. The Mesopotamia region, the starting point for many Middle Eastern civilizations, is squeezed between the Tigris and the Euphrates River. In spring the melt water from nearby Zagros Mountain floods the nearby land. The water has silt carried from the north and these silts are deposited into the ground as a result of the flooding. The Egypt region, the starting point for the Egypt civilization, evolved around the Nile in Egypt. Like Mesopotamia, the Nile River flooded annually and it also carried silt that was deposited into the river banks. These deposited silts made the nearby land fertile and enabled superb agriculture fields. With these fields men produced a huge amount of surplus food that is essential for any flourishing civilization. The rivers in both regions also acted as a natural highway that linked the communities together as a civilization. The water allowed people travel to places faster and allowed them to carry resources and supplies from one community to the other. As a result, the communities were able to work together and strengthen each other with the sharing of resources. These communities founded the first civilizations. The rivers then allowed a sophisticated communication and trade network that helped to keep the civilization together and allowed them to flourish. Both lands have regions around the river that differed from the other region in both production and resources. In Mesopotamia the south region produced clay, fish, waterfowl, and excellent agricultural yields. Superb farmlands existed in the north as well but there were also herds of wild animals that could be hunted along with important minerals that could be exported. In southern Egypt, the deserts provided resources like gold, garnet, agate, copper, granite, quartzite, flint, marble and slate. The northern region of Egypt has extensive farmlands and abundant number of ducks, geese, ibis and heron. This difference in resources of both regions allowed early trade between communities and specializations that allowed civilizations to flourish. Mesopotamia and Egypt are different in the natural protections they offer. Mesopotamia is in the crossroad between three continents, Asia, Europe, and Africa. It is in the path of various emigrating groups of people at times. There is nothing to protect civilizations in this area from the invading emigrants. The mountains nearby are not high enough to offer any resistance to the invaders. Civilizations that occupied this area had to be strong and powerful. As a result of the pressures and treats from the invaders, civilizations in this area flourished as a result of their military or technological might. The Egypt region is quite different. The region is shielded in the west by the Libya Desert and by the Arabian Desert to the east. There is little fear of invaders or destruction and the civilizations in Egypt were able to develop unhindered and flourished as a result of their peaceful development. Unlike the Tigris and the Euphrates Rivers in Mesopotamia, the Nile River in Egypt has a very predictable flooding schedule. In fact, people in the Egypt area were able to plan their farming based on the flooding schedule of Nile. Therefore, crops near Nile often survived longer and provided continual yields. The stable food supply allowed civilizations in Egypt to develop other things rather than worrying about food. As a result, civilizations in Egypt developed and flourished. In Mesopotamia the floods were so unpredictable that crop fields were constantly been destroyed. Civilizations in Mesopotamia made new technology inventions and methods to keep the floods in place, irrigate the fields, and drain the lands. These inventions and methods ensured the flourishing of the civilizations that wants to reside in Mesopotamia. The Egypt region is well connected to the sea. Civilizations in Egypt were able to do sea trading with other civilizations. They exchanged knowledge, goods, technology and culture. These civilizations improved on what they learned and made better and fancier products out of foreign goods. Trade and knowledge helped them to flourish. Mesopotamia is mostly surrounded by lands. Therefore, civilizations in Mesopotamia are often surrounded by other civilizations. Since they were so close together, inland trades occurred and civilizations learned from each other. Unlike Egypt, civilizations in Mesopotamia were not isolated from each other .Competitions also occurred and each civilization in Mesopotamia developed to be better and more powerful. As a result of this inland trade and competition, civilizations in Mesopotamia also flourished. From the ideas presented above, it can be said that civilizations in Mesopotamia and Egypt flourished because of their natural settings but they flourished differently according to the unique difference that existed between Mesopotamia and Egypt.

  2. #2
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: Anyone got time for a little history paragraph?

    My first comment, without reading, is that it look like an excessively long paragraph. Pargraphs of great length don't make for comfortable reading- one idea/point (and development) per paragraph helps the reader.

    Now after reading:
    because of the rivers in both areas provided- because the rivers...
    specialization but these - comma before but
    the Tigris and the Euphrates River- rivers?? or nothing??
    these silts- you've jumped from singular to plural-
    the Nile River flooded annually and it also carried silt that was deposited into the river banks.- why the past tense here? It still does
    enabled superb agriculture fields- hmm, how about created superb agricultural land?
    With these fields men- no women involved?
    Both lands have regions around the river that differed from the other region- the repetition of region makes it hard to follow
    invading emigrants- invaders?
    pressures and treats - threats
    were constantly been- being
    civilizations that wants- singular/plural problem
    surrounded by lands-unclear phrase
    inland trades occurred- does trade 'occur'? Competitions also occurred- repetition of verb
    unique difference- differences (and maybe not unique)

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Anyone got time for a little history paragraph?

    Hey Tdol, thanks again for helping me. I am sorry for the slow reply, been a busy week for me. I really appreciate the help, it is kind hard for me to get people to check over my work since I am quiet famous in the school for writing really long articles. Sorry but thanks alot.

  4. #4
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: Anyone got time for a little history paragraph?

    You're welcome.

    PS *quite* famous.

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