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Thread: social abuses

  1. #1
    Ashiuhto is online now Senior Member
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    Default social abuses

    Please help me correct the following paragraph. Thanks!

    For one thing, we are losing the pattern of virtue. The traditional values of virtuous deeds and upright words have crumbled. Consequently, society is sinking into chaos and disorder. People can’t live in peace and enjoy their work. There is a strong demand to reform social abuses. Next, our fellow citizens are gradually losing the confidence in our country due to the corruption and incompetence of the ruling party. We need a broader, firmer, deeper faith in the people, a faith that the government is founded upon a righteousness which will endure.
    Last edited by Ashiuhto; 25-Jun-2013 at 05:36.

  2. #2
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: social abuses

    Are you going to submit this piece to a teacher/tutor for marking?
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  3. #3
    Ashiuhto is online now Senior Member
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    Default Re: social abuses

    No, just for self-practice to improve my writing. It is merely translated from a Chinese speech.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: social abuses

    Quote Originally Posted by Ashiuhto View Post
    Please help me correct the following paragraph. Thanks!

    For one thing, we are losing the pattern (habit?) of virtue. The traditional values of virtuous deeds and upright words have crumbled. Consequently, society is sinking into chaos and disorder. People canít live in peace and enjoy their work. There is a strong demand to reform social abuses. Next Also, our fellow citizens are gradually losing the confidence in our country due to the corruption and incompetence of the ruling party. We need a broader, firmer, deeper faith in the people, a faith that the government is founded upon a righteousness which will endure.
    It's pretty good as it is.
    'Next' doesn't work for me. 'Next' here simply means "the next point I want to make", I think. But it seems to imply that whatever happened after 'next' actually did happen later than what preceded it in the paragraph - that is, society started sinking into chaos and disorder, and then, next, citizens lost confidence, etc.

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