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  1. #1
    pratyushprakash is offline Newbie
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    Default Could you Please Evaluate This Essay

    Some people say that curbing pollution and maintaining environment is responsibility of the government while others believe that it is responsibility of citizen of a place of a country.
    Discuss both the view and express your opinion
    --------------------------------------------------
    In the contemporary world we are witnessing an amok growth of pollution which is turning our Earth into a doomed place to live. It is need of the hour to contain the increase of pollution and reduce our carbon trail. There is a high debate that the government of a nation should strictly implement laws and own sole responsibility to control pollution, while others believe that the natives of a country should take moral responsibility to make the world a better place to live.

    Many argue that enormous efforts are required to control pollution and only the government could usher such changes, hence the government must shoulder this responsibility. Firstly they should enforce laws to reduce non-biodegradable materials like bags and polythene carry bags. They must also lay high penalties on the factories that produce a lot of smoke and hazardous bi-products that pollute environment. The government must take measures to reduce individual usage of automobiles by promoting public conveyance. Also the government should plantation and afforestation as trees replenishes natural resources.

    However, most of believe that we must put our efforts in our daily life to curb pollution and maintain environment. For example, we must avoid littering waste materials rather put them to recycling so that they could be converted into useful material. We should also contribute to preserve energy by switching off lights where they are not required and putting off the running to reduce water usage.

    To recapitulate, I strongly believe that it is collective responsibility of the government as well as citizen like us to curb pollution and foster the Green Revolution to maintain environment.

  2. #2
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Could you Please Evaluate This Essay

    When will you submit this essay to your teacher/tutor?
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  3. #3
    pratyushprakash is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Could you Please Evaluate This Essay

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    When will you submit this essay to your teacher/tutor?
    I am new to this forum. I am not sure how to submit to teacher online.
    I am hoping someone could help me by evaluating this essay.

    Actually I am preparing for IELTS and I desperately need help on evaluation.

    Could you please evaluate this issue, and suggest corrections?

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Could you Please Evaluate This Essay

    No, I was asking if you are going to give THIS essay to your IELTS teacher so that your teacher can mark it/correct it/grade it.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  5. #5
    pratyushprakash is offline Newbie
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    Post Re: Could you Please Evaluate This Essay

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    No, I was asking if you are going to give THIS essay to your IELTS teacher so that your teacher can mark it/correct it/grade it.
    I have got the essay checked and my guide told me that this is correct. However, she didn't marked or provided corresponding band score.
    That is why I am looking to have a broader perspective on this essay.
    Any kind of feedback would be really helpful for me to improve. So could you please let me know your opinion, How you feel about this essay?

  6. #6
    emsr2d2's Avatar
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    Default Re: Could you Please Evaluate This Essay

    Quote Originally Posted by pratyushprakash View Post
    --------------------------------------------------
    In the contemporary world we are witnessing an amok growth of pollution which is turning our Earth into a doomed place to live. It is need of the hour to contain the increase of pollution and reduce our carbon trail. There is a high debate that the government of a nation should strictly implement laws and own sole responsibility to control pollution, while others believe that the natives of a country should take moral responsibility to make the world a better place to live.
    You said "I have got the essay checked and my guide told me that this is correct." Is your "guide" a teacher or not? Is she a native speaker? I only ask because your opening few sentences contain errors or unnatural constructions. We don't say "an amok growth [of pollution]", "It is need of the hour" or "There is a high debate".
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 25-Jun-2013 at 20:03.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  7. #7
    pratyushprakash is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Could you Please Evaluate This Essay

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    You said "I have got the essay checked and my guide told me that this is correct." Is your "guide" a teacher or not? Is she native speaker? I only ask because your opening few sentences contain errors or unnatural constructions. We don't say "an amok growth [of pollution]", "It is need of the hour" or "There is a high debate".
    You you figured it out correctly. She as well as I am not a native speaker. Hence, few sentence constructions which are very flattery for us, might be awkward for a native speaker.
    Kindly suggest if I change this to:

    In the contemporary world we are witnessing [an amok growth of]->[uncontrollable rise in] pollution which is turning our Earth into a doomed place to live. It is [need of the hour] ->[high time] to contain the increase of pollution and reduce our carbon trail. [There is a high debate] ->[Many people debate] that the government of a nation should strictly implement laws and own sole responsibility to control pollution, while others believe that the natives of a country should take moral responsibility to make the world a better place to live.

  8. #8
    emsr2d2's Avatar
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    Default Re: Could you Please Evaluate This Essay

    Quote Originally Posted by pratyushprakash View Post
    You you figured it out correctly. She as well as I am not a native speaker. Hence, few sentence constructions which are very flattery for us, might be awkward for a native speaker.
    Kindly suggest if I change this to:

    In the contemporary modern world we are witnessing [an amok growth of]->[ an uncontrollable rise in pollution which is turning our Earth into a doomed place to live. It is [need of the hour] ->[ high time to we contained/reduced the increase of in pollution and reduced our carbon trail/footprint. [There is a high debate] ->[ Many people debate There is great debate over whether that the government of a nation should strictly implement laws and own take sole responsibility to for controlling pollution. While others Some [people] believe that the natives citizens of a country should take moral responsibility to for making the world a better place to live.
    Your suggestions were very good and much better than the original. Please note the other amendments I have made in red.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  9. #9
    pratyushprakash is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Could you Please Evaluate This Essay

    Thank you so much. Your suggestions are extremely helpful and helped me to understand the mistakes I have been making in the essay.
    Could I request you to also correct the next paragraphs. Please...

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