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  1. #1
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    Help

    Help me correct this essay, please...

    This short story by Linda Hogan, “Aunt Moon's Young Man,”. On the one level, it is very much a tale of Bess Evening, whom our young female narrator has nicknamed Aunt Moon. Bessie comes to find love, healing and the promise of new life after tragedy when a young Indian named Isaac comes to town and woos her. One of the facts in the story states that, “Issac came in from fixing the roof. He touched her arm so softly I wasn’t sure she left it. I had never seen a man touch a woman that way.”(p. 405). In this statement, the writer wants to show the close relationship between Issac and Aunt Moon which differ from normal friendship. It’s a feeling of love between two persons. Also, if we continue reading this story, then you will see that their relationship won’t change and Aunt Moon also was pregnant. The Aunt Moon character is very real, and it was easy to believe her actions. Aunt Moon is portrayed as wise and knowledgeable about the ways of Indian healing and what is truly important in life. Our narrator says of her, "Aunt Moon was special. She had life in her," (p.198). She is "centered" and at ease with the actions she takes, and they remain consistent throughout the story, as she remains true to herself. Even the writer loved Aunt Moon too as she stated in her views on page 129 that, “I love Aunt Moon. For me, she is one of the courageous female heroes and adventurers I have seldom seen in stories.”

  2. #2
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    I think it flows nicely. All in all, it is quite readable. You do need to take that one big paragraph and make it two or three paragraphs. You also need to make some other relatively minor changes. The first sentence, for example, is not really a sentence.

    Peerhaps I will have more comments later.

  3. #3
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    Re: Help

    This short story by Linda Hogan, “Aunt Moon's Young Man,”. On the one level, it is very much a tale of Bess Evening, whom our young female narrator has nicknamed Aunt Moon. Bessie comes to find love, healing and the promise of new life after tragedy when a young Indian named Isaac comes to town and woos her.
    • This is a short story by Linda Hogan, Aunt Moon's Young Man. On one level, it is very much a tale of Bess Evening, whom our young female narrator has nicknamed Aunt Moon. Bessie comes to find love, healing and the promise of new life after tragedy when a young Indian named Isaac comes to town and woos her.

    One of the facts in the story states that, “Issac came in from fixing the roof. He touched her arm so softly I wasn’t sure she left it. I had never seen a man touch a woman that way.”(p. 405).
    • In one part of the story it says, “Issac came in from fixing the roof. He touched her arm so softly I wasn’t sure she felt it. I had never seen a man touch a woman that way.”(p. 405).
    In this statement, the writer wants to show the close relationship between Issac and Aunt Moon which differ from normal friendship.
    • In this passage, the writer wants to show the close relationship between Issac and Aunt Moon and how it differs from a normal friendship.
    It’s a feeling of love between two persons.
    • It’s a feeling of love between two people.

    Also, if we continue reading this story, then you will see that their relationship won’t change and Aunt Moon also was pregnant.
    Say their relationship doesn't change. When does she discover that she is pregnant? Does she become pregnant before or after she meets Isaac? (Those are important details the reader will be interested in.)

    The Aunt Moon character is very real, and it was easy to believe her actions. Aunt Moon is portrayed as wise and knowledgeable about the ways of Indian healing and what is truly important in life. Our narrator says of her, "Aunt Moon was special. She had life in her," (p.198).
    • The Aunt Moon character is very real, and it was easy to believe her actions. Aunt Moon is portrayed as wise and knowledgeable about the ways of Indian healing and what is truly important in life. Our narrator says of her, "Aunt Moon was special. She had life in her." (p.198)

    She is "centered" and at ease with the actions she takes, and they remain consistent throughout the story, as she remains true to herself. Even the writer loved Aunt Moon too as she stated in her views on page 129 that, “I love Aunt Moon. For me, she is one of the courageous female heroes and adventurers I have seldom seen in stories.”
    Better:
    • She is one of the most courageous female heroes and adventurers I have ever seen in stories.

  4. #4
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    "She is one of the most courageous female heroes and adventurers I have ever seen in stories."

    Much better- the sersion with 'seldom' doesn't work.

  5. #5
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    That was a direct quote from the author that I "corrected", wasn't it? (I should have noticed that sooner.) Still, it would be better as something like: "She is one of those courageous female heroes and adventurers that I see all too rarely in stories."

    • (Seldom works better with any, as: "Seldom do I see any female heroes in stories." Or: "I seldom see any female heroes in stories."

  6. #6
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    Still better.

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