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  1. #1
    Anh Truong is offline Newbie
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    Default IELTS ESSAY THE IMPROVEMENT OF TOURISM INDUSTRY

    The tourism industry has grown enormously over the last 50 years, and there are few places which are unaffected by it.However, tourism rarely benefits the countries which tourists visit. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

    The tourism industry is one of the most important aspect of the economy.Through tourism,hotels are built,roads are repaired in order to attract visitors. This has created both negative and positive affects to the native country.Personally,I think that tourism brings wealth to the country but also partly destroy its nature.
    The most important reason is the tourists' bad behaviors.Young people usually leave trashes everywhere they go.Nowadays these trashes are mostly made of undissolved materials such as plastic of metal, so this not only makes beautiful sightseeings ugly but also pollutes the environment.
    A second reason why I am partly opposed to the growth of the tourism industry is that money plays an important role in controlling actions from the government. In a village in Vietnam, thousands hectares of farm were levelled for playing golf. This has caused serious consequences: farmers loses their jobs and the native people do not have enough rice to eat.
    On the other hand, tourism also brings wealth and fame to the country. For example: Mallorca is well-known to european citizens for its beautiful beaches. Another good example is Los Angeles. If people want to visit movie studios, the Hall of Fame or to see movie stars, Los Angeles is the right place to go. When they stay at the local Hotels, they have to pay for the services and food, which benefits the country.
    However, there are places which are unaffected by tourism such as suburbs, forests or mountain areas. The reasons are :First, these places are dangerous for people.Second, there are not remarkable tourist attractions, where visitors can entertain or eat specialties. In my opinion, improving the tourism industry of one place is not an easy mission.The government must have strategies or plans in order to achieve the goals it wants.

  2. #2
    Anh Truong is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: IELTS ESSAY THE IMPROVEMENT OF TOURISM INDUSTRY

    please help if there are mistakes :)

  3. #3
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    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: IELTS ESSAY THE IMPROVEMENT OF TOURISM INDUSTRY

    Is this the actual essay you are going to submit for your IELTS exam?
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  4. #4
    Anh Truong is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: IELTS ESSAY THE IMPROVEMENT OF TOURISM INDUSTRY

    yes. Is there any problems ??? I'm practising for the Writing section

  5. #5
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    Default Re: IELTS ESSAY THE IMPROVEMENT OF TOURISM INDUSTRY

    If you are going to submit this essay to a teacher or tutor for marking, then we cannot help you. Your teacher needs to see what you can write, not what we can write. Do the best you can, submit your essay and then come back to us if your teacher gives you any comments or corrections which you don't understand.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  6. #6
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    Raymott is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: IELTS ESSAY THE IMPROVEMENT OF TOURISM INDUSTRY

    I thought that for the IELTS exam, you didn't get the topic until you were in the exam. That was certainly the assumption when I used to correct these; and I remember many of us correcting them. Maybe I was wrong.

  7. #7
    Anh Truong is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: IELTS ESSAY THE IMPROVEMENT OF TOURISM INDUSTRY

    No. I haven't taken the exam yet. I am practicing for the writing section in IELTS test. This is my exercise for practicing. Please help me if there are any mistakes. Or you can just point out the mistakes so that I can correct them. I am trying to improve my writing skill, so don't hesitate to speak out your opinions.

  8. #8
    emsr2d2's Avatar
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    Default Re: IELTS ESSAY THE IMPROVEMENT OF TOURISM INDUSTRY

    So when I asked you if this was the actual essay you are going to submit for the exam and you said "Yes", was that wrong?
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  9. #9
    Anh Truong is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: IELTS ESSAY THE IMPROVEMENT OF TOURISM INDUSTRY

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    So when I asked you if this was the actual essay you are going to submit for the exam and you said "Yes", was that wrong?
    that was wrong

  10. #10
    Khoa Nguyen is offline Newbie
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    Talking Re: IELTS ESSAY THE IMPROVEMENT OF TOURISM INDUSTRY

    Quote Originally Posted by Anh Truong View Post
    that was wrong
    Hey Anh, honestly speaking, I can only give you a 4.0 for your essay. The main problem here is that your essay is lack of coherence and cohesion , meaning that you didn't well organize your essay yet. To improve it, I think you can separate your essay clearly in 5 sections.
    1/ The introduction
    2/ Advantages
    3/ Disadvantages
    4/ Your perspective in the debate.
    5/ Conclusion (BE SURE TO ADD SIGNAL PHRASE LIKE: IN CONCLUSION, TO SUM UP, ...)

    Moreover, you should be more careful with your words choices.
    1/ Native people: I understand that you are talking about people that inhabit a place for a long time, but this word is really clumsy, I think Aboriginal inhabitants or INDIGENOUS PEOPLE are academic words.
    2/ Do not have rice to eat: ???!!!
    3/ undissolved materials: non-biodegradable garbage/waste
    4/ bad behaviours (NO s)
    5/ .....

    Your sentences are also really confusing and unacademic, you should reorganize your sentences and use more formal as well as more academic writing style.

    You can look up the IELTS writing Sample band 7, 8 online and imitate authors' writing styles.

    Good luck with your IELTS test then, I used to deal with your problem too before I could actually write a good one.

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