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Thread: proof read

  1. #1
    Anonymous Guest

    Default proof read

    can u proof read and tell me what chnages i need to make..tahnks

    Two Women Who Changed History

    Two women from different background, different accomplishments, but yet also similar in many ways. Two well-known women who believed in giving love, who thought in kindness of people, who believed in what they stood for. Those were the qualities that made these two women stand out in history as caring, respectful, sincere, considerate, and mostly loving and understanding. Those two well-known women are no other than Mother Teresa, and Maria Montessori. Who put all their hard work, their life in serving those who needed it.
    Mother Teresa always obedient, a person of her words, was born in Yugoslavia in 1910, youngest out of the three siblings she contained. She was a strong willed human being, similar to another great well-known woman Maria Montessori. Both had great qualities in them and had very strong ambitious dreams that each one wanted to accomplish, and surely they did with much admiration and reputation. Maria Montessori was born in Chiaravalle in the Province of Ancona in 1870, an only child of a middle class family. She controlled her life as though she could and would affect it. Unlike Montessori, who showed much interest in sciences and went on pursuing medicine was quit different from Mother Teresa. Teresa on the other hand, wanted to become a nun and lend a hand to others in a different way then Maria Montessori. Teresa in 1928 began her religious life in Ireland, a place far away from her friends and family. While on the other hand, Maria was accepted into the University of Rome’s medical program. She eventually graduated to become the first woman doctor of Italy. This was the first step of

    the well-known women towards their achievements, which made them so recognized all over the world.
    Teresa pursued what she “never doubted” was the direction in which God was pointing her. Although she was happy with the Loreto Sisters of Dublin missionaries and educators she wanted to go out on the streets to help the poor. On the other hand, Montessori wanted to help the little kids leading her to direct a system of daycare centers for those who lived in one of Rome’s worst neighborhoods She had much respect for children, and she believed that they should have a great learning. Montessori kept them in the uppermost regard and told her teachers to do likewise. After Mother Teresa received permission from Pius XII to leave her community and live as an independent nun. She as well, thought that to first start of, she would help the children of the slums and also she strove to make the children literate by teaching them basic hygiene and eventually she started to visit their families who were ill and poor. Unlike Mother Teresa, who did not have proper equipments to teach the children, Montessori was the first in education to have child-seized tables and chairs especially for the children. Although, Mother Teresa was poor equipped and exhausted in the sun from helping the poor children, she never in her lifetime omitted her prayers, as that was where she obtained her strength, support and blessing. While Montessori spent all her time giving lectures, training teachers, writing, and traveling extensively, Mother Teresa, a delicate and bent continued her work among the poorest of the poor, depending on God to help her for all her wishes.
    Both women’s philosophy on life was quiet different from one another, but at the same time alike. Montessori believed that a person who touches the life of a child touches

    the most sensitive part of a whole, whereas, Teresa believed it was important to tell the poor that they are somebody to us. While, Montessori did all that she could for children, Teresa did all she could for the poor, which of course included the children. Mother Teresa considered life as an opportunity, beauty, adventure, dream and what not. Both wanted to help others in any way possible. However Maria was all about helping children, Teresa was more about teaching the kids education. She wanted to teach people, to love the poor, to love one another, to love everyone, and love God. Teresa once said…” We need to find God and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. We need silence to be able to touch soul.
    The things the people do makes them the person they are. It is very essential for individuals to learn how to love, how to give love, how to spread love and to get along with everyone. One needs to learn how to show acts of kindness similar to what Mother Teresa and Maria Montessori had done in their lifetime. It is significant to believe in God and pray for faithfulness and love for everyone to comprise in their hearts. These two women are a great example in history. They accomplished so much in their lifetime that one ought to follow their footsteps, for the reason that is very clear; to spread love and happiness in today’s world. Once there is happiness then this whole universe would be a wonderful place to live filled with love, harmony, admiration, and devotion in one another.

  2. #2
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    "Two women from different background, different accomplishments, but yet also similar in many ways. "

    This is actually not a complete sentence because it lacks a main verb. How about:
    Two women from different backgrounds, with different accomplishments, yet they were similar in many ways.

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    "Two well-known women who believed in giving love, who thought in kindness of people, who believed in what they stood for. "

    Again, this isn't a complete sentence.

    These two well-known women believed in giving love, who thought kindly of people, and believed in what they stood for.

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    These were the qualities that made these two women stand out in history as caring, respectful, sincere, considerate, and, most of all, loving and understanding. These two well-known women are no other than Mother Teresa, and Maria Montessori, who put all their hard work and dedicated their lives to serving those in need.

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    Default Re: proof read

    You need to simplify your sentences. You need to make sure each sentence has both a subject and a verb. You need to avoid using idiosyncratic language.

    Two women from different background, different accomplishments, but yet also similar in many ways.
    That sentence lacks both a subject and a verb. Perhaps:

    • They were two women who were from very dissimilar backgrounds, yet they were like each other in many ways.


    Two well-known women who believed in giving love, who thought in kindness of people, who believed in what they stood for.
    That also lacks both a subject and a verb and thus is not a sentence. Additionally, you don't need to continue to mention that they were women. Certainly, you don't need to do so in every sentence. Perhaps:

    • They were sincere, compassionate, and caring.


    Simpler is usually better.

    Those were the qualities that made these two women stand out in history as caring, respectful, sincere, considerate, and mostly loving and understanding.
    Is it their personal qualities that made them memorable or is it what they did that made them memorable? You can't use mostly loving and understanding.

    Those two well-known women are no other than Mother Teresa, and Maria Montessori. Who put all their hard work, their life in serving those who needed it.
    You need to combine those two sentences into one. (The phrase is none other than.) Perhaps:

    • Those two women were Mother Teresa and Maria Montessori.


    Considering the suggestions made by Tdol and me, how would you revise the second paragraph?

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