[Essay] Can you give me your opinion on these two paragraphs?

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gauchi2001

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It's controversial that children should be educated to be keen on competition. In public, millionaires and prominent figures stress the importance of being competitive. In contrast, education experts and teachers put emphasis on the significance of cooperation. All arguments will be weighed prior to reaching an informed conclusion.
In modern society, many people, including a certain number of celebrities, hold a view that competitive state of mind is crucial to child's growth. It's justified that children must overcome uncountable challenges throughout their life and rival each other in workplace, therefore instilling a struggling concept into a kid's mind is essential to their future development. In recent years there is a bestseller known as "Tiger Mother" written by a Harvard law graduate, who prompted her little daughter to distrust of her classmates and defeat her contenders. As a consequence, similar to her, her daughter becomes an outstanding lawyer in the U.S. This example clearly shows that a sense of competition has positve impact on a child's future prospects.
 

EnglishFix

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It's well written and easy to understand.
 

Gillnetter

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It's well written and easy to understand.
Really? Even with the missing articles? Also, What does this mean to you "...therefore instilling a struggling concept into a kid's mind is essential.."? What meaning do you give to this line, ..."who prompted her little daughter to distrust of her classmates..." Perhaps you should reread the text.
 

gauchi2001

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Many thanks!!!
 
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