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  1. #1
    o_cat Guest

    Default Please correct my essay. Thanks!

    From the picture below, we can see two opposite scenes. In 1900, people found they can earn money by fishing, so people in droves went fishing. As the time past, more and more people went to the sea, and the number of fish has drastically decreased. By the year 1995, few fish remained in the sea. Ironically, there were many boats, embark the dream of to be rich, went to the sea.
    The purpose of the drawer may told us something about sustainable development. As the saying goes: ”The greatest threat to mankind is mankind itself!” If this is indeed the case, then the current situation should make us ponder our future existence. If we ignore the rule of the nature development, natural would punish us. Just as the fish in the sea, if we didn’t fishing overladen, the number wouldn’t be so small.
    Therefore, it is imperative for us to take drastic measures. For one thing, it is important for us to set limit to the development of fishing. For another, we should show our conscious about natural resource. Because we should give fishes a proper situation to grow up, and then we could have amply fishes to go fishing.

    Thanks a million. :P :D :wink:

  2. #2
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Please correct my essay. Thanks!

    From the picture below, we can see two opposite scenes. In 1900, people found they can earn money by fishing, so people in droves went fishing. As the time past, more and more people went to the sea, and the number of fish has drastically decreased. By the year 1995, few fish remained in the sea. Ironically, there were many boats, embark the dream of to be rich, went to the sea.
    Say in the picture. Use could to describe something that happened in the past. Say as time passed. Put the phrase in droves after the verb. Perhaps:

    • In the picture below, we can see two opposite scenes. In 1900, people found they could earn money by fishing, so people went fishing in droves. As the time passed, more and more people went to the sea, and the number of fish has drastically decreased. By the year 1995, few fish remained in the sea.


    Does the writer mean to suggest that commercial fishing did not exist before 1900? What was it that made people think they could get rich by fishing? I don't think that you mean to say that the total number of fish decreased but that the fish people were looking for became scarcer. (I couldn't do anything with the last sentence.)

    The purpose of the drawer may told us something about sustainable development. As the saying goes: ”The greatest threat to mankind is mankind itself!” If this is indeed the case, then the current situation should make us ponder our future existence. If we ignore the rule of the nature development, natural would punish us. Just as the fish in the sea, if we didn’t fishing overladen, the number wouldn’t be so small.
    In the first sentence, use artist instead of drawer and tell instead of told. Nature is the noun and natural is the adjective. Those two words need to change places. I'm not sure what you mean by that last sentence. Perhaps: "If we don't overfish, the fish will remain plentiful."

    Therefore, it is imperative for us to take drastic measures. For one thing, it is important for us to set limit to the development of fishing. For another, we should show our conscious about natural resource. Because we should give fishes a proper situation to grow up, and then we could have amply fishes to go fishing.
    Change limit to limits. I am not sure what you mean by conscious. Perhaps you mean to say something like: "We need to safeguard our natural resources." You need to totally rewrite that last sentence.

    :)

  3. #3
    o_cat Guest

    Default Re: Please correct my essay. Thanks!

    The direction of my essay isYour essay should meet the requirements below:
     1.Describe the pictures.
     2.Deduce the purpose of the drawer of the pictures,and
     3.Suggest counter-measures.

    the picture is as follow:


    Thank you for correcting me.
    I modified my essay, please give me some advices.

    In the picture below, we can see two opposite scenes. In 1900, people found they could earn money by fishing, so people went fishing in droves. As the time passed, more and more people went to the sea, and the number of fish has drastically decreased. By the year 1995, few fish remained in the sea.Ironically, according to the picture, there were many boats, embark the dream of to be rich, went to the sea.
    The purpose of the artist may tell us something about sustainable development. As the saying goes: "The greatest threat to mankind is mankind itself!" If this is indeed the case, then the current situation should make us ponder our future existence. If we ignore the rule of the natural development, nature would punish us. Just as the fish in the sea, if if we don't overfish, the fish will remain plentiful.
    Therefore, it is imperative for us to take drastic measures. For one thing, it is important for us to set limits to the development of fishing. For another, We need to safeguard our natural resources. Because only if we give fishes a proper situation to impel their growth, the number of fish could increase, and then the fish man would have amply fishes to go fishing.

    :wink:

  4. #4
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Please correct my essay. Thanks!

    In the picture below, we can see two opposite scenes. In 1900, people found they could earn money by fishing, so people went fishing in droves.
    I would use discovered that rather than found. Where did you get that figure (1900)?

    As the time passed, more and more people went to the sea, and the number of fish has drastically decreased.
    What you want to say is that the numbers of fish to be caught decreased over time until the number of fish available (the fish stock) had dwindled to a very small number.

    By the year 1995, few fish remained in the sea.Ironically, according to the picture, there were many boats, embark the dream of to be rich, went to the sea.
    What you want to say in the first sentence is that there were few fish available to be caught. (Presumably, there were still a great many fish in the sea, but they were either where the fishermen couldn't find them or they weren't the kind of fish people wanted.) There were many boats, but they weren't being used, were they?

    The purpose of the artist may tell us something about sustainable development.
    • The purpose of the artist may be to tell us something about sustainable development.


    As the saying goes: "The greatest threat to mankind is mankind itself!" If this is indeed the case, then the current situation should make us ponder our future existence. If we ignore the rule of the natural development, nature would punish us. Just as the fish in the sea, if if we don't overfish, the fish will remain plentiful.
    In that last sentence, delete Just as the fish in the sea.

    Therefore, it is imperative for us to take drastic measures. For one thing, it is important for us to set limits to the development of fishing. For another, We need to safeguard our natural resources. Because only if we give fishes a proper situation to impel their growth, the number of fish could increase, and then the fish man would have amply fishes to go fishing.
    If we allow the fish stock to replenish itself the fisherman will have a reason to go fishing again. :wink:

    What do you think?

    :)

  5. #5
    o_cat Guest

    Default Re: Please correct my essay. Thanks!

    Quote:
    In the picture below, we can see two opposite scenes. In 1900, people found they could earn money by fishing, so people went fishing in droves.


    I would use discovered that rather than found. Where did you get that figure (1900)?
    1.why we should use discovered instead of found?
    2.According to the picture, I assume it as a matter of course. :wink:
    Quote:
    The purpose of the artist may tell us something about sustainable development.



    The purpose of the artist may be to tell us something about sustainable development.
    why may be instead of may?

  6. #6
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Please correct my essay. Thanks!

    Quote Originally Posted by o_cat
    Quote:
    In the picture below, we can see two opposite scenes. In 1900, people found they could earn money by fishing, so people went fishing in droves.


    I would use discovered that rather than found. Where did you get that figure (1900)?
    1.why we should use discovered instead of found?
    2.According to the picture, I assume it as a matter of course. :wink:
    1. Because they didn't find it. They figured it out. :)
    2. It was in the picture? :?

    Quote Originally Posted by o_cat
    Quote:
    The purpose of the artist may tell us something about sustainable development.



    The purpose of the artist may be to tell us something about sustainable development.
    why may be instead of may?
    The original sentence has the purpose doing the telling.

    :)

  7. #7
    o_cat Guest

    Default Re: Please correct my essay. Thanks!

    Quote Originally Posted by RonBee
    Quote Originally Posted by o_cat
    Quote:
    In the picture below, we can see two opposite scenes. In 1900, people found they could earn money by fishing, so people went fishing in droves.


    I would use discovered that rather than found. Where did you get that figure (1900)?
    1.why we should use discovered instead of found?
    2.According to the picture, I assume it as a matter of course. :wink:
    1. Because they didn't find it. They figured it out. :)
    2. It was in the picture? :?

    Quote Originally Posted by o_cat
    Quote:
    The purpose of the artist may tell us something about sustainable development.



    The purpose of the artist may be to tell us something about sustainable development.
    why may be instead of may?
    The original sentence has the purpose doing the telling.

    :)
    I saw it in the first picture. :wink:
    Thank you for correcting me and solving my questions. :)

  8. #8
    o_cat Guest

    Default Re: Please correct my essay. Thanks!

    Sorry, the picture cannot be seen for the reason I don't know. :? :wink:

  9. #9
    RonBee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Please correct my essay. Thanks!

    Quote Originally Posted by o_cat
    Sorry, the picture cannot be seen for the reason I don't know. :? :wink:
    Red would know how to fix that problem. You can send a PM to him or post a question in the General Discussions folder.

    :D

  10. #10
    o_cat Guest

    Default

    ok!:)

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