[Essay] writing task 1

[Anukrishna]

Respected sir,
this is my first time i am trying to write by myself in writing task.. please see through it and advice me what is wrong and what changes should i do..please consider my request..
The table compares the percentage of people using different features in a mobile phone between the years 2006 and 2010.
Throughout the period, the main reason why people use mobile phones is to make calls, but there is also an up rise of other features that show a great interest in the users, particularly internet search features.
In 2006, 100% of the mobile phone owners used to make calls which ranked the highest,whereas next popular functions were text messaging(73%) and taking photos(66%). On the contrast, less than 20% of the owners used to play games and music and there were no figures of interest in video recording and internet search.
Over the 4years, there were less significant changes in the top 3 popular features. However, the percentage of people using mobile phones to access the internet has jumped from 41%in 2008 to 73%in the year 2010. Similarly, results also show a significant rise in the interest of the owners to play games and record video with figures 41% and 35% respectively.
please sir i hope u would respond to this pls....its really urgent...please tell me how much score would i get for this
waiting for your reply..
Anu

 

[emsr2d2]

Welcome to the forum.

The first thing you need to do is click the "Edit Post" button at the bottom of your post and correct the capitalisation, punctuation and use of non-standard English. Follow these rules:

- Start every sentence with a capital letter.
- Always capitalise the word "I".
- End every sentence with a single punctuation mark. (We do not connect sentences with ... )
- Put a space after every full stop, comma, question mark and exclamation mark.
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- Use full English words (ie do not use "pls", use "please").

After making those changes, make sure you click "Save".

 

[charliedeut]

Also keep in mind that some members, like emsr2d2, are female, so "Sir" is not appropriate to address them. A simple "Hello" or "hi" is usually enough. :up: