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  1. Nicklexoxo's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • Russian
      • Home Country:
      • Russian Federation
      • Current Location:
      • Russian Federation

    • Join Date: May 2013
    • Posts: 104
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    #1

    Post Check my letter.

    Hello everyone.


    It is not my homework. I try to write a letter in English, because in the exam I will have this exercise, therefore I want to improve my writing skills and etc. I do not have a teacher who could check it instead of you, so I put it here.


    C1.
    You have 20 minute to do this task.
    you have received a letter from your friend who writes:


    Dear Andrew,
    I really need your advice. The problem is my relationships with the classmates. You know I don't smoke and they say I'm still a baby. That's not true! I don't want to smoke. It's my personal style, I think smoking is dangerous for my health.
    What do you think on the problem? How can I persuade them?


    Yours,
    Sasha.


    my letter is:


    Dear Sasha,
    Thanks for your letter. It was great to hear from you. In your letter you asked my advice about your relationship's problem, therefore I am writing it.
    So, I think if they do not want to be friend with you, because you do not smoke, I really believe that you do not need them. You can find another friends without bad habits. Do not get upset! On my opinion, do not try to persuade them, because it is useless process.
    And at the ending of my letter I would ask you some question: Do you like practise a sport for improve your health? How are your family? Tell me more about it.


    Write Soon.
    Your sincerely,
    Andrew


    *Write a letter to Sasha. in your letter express your opinion and advise him what to do.
    ** Write 100-150 words.

    Please read it attentively and show my mistakes. Maybe I need to expend my vocabluary, because the letter seems poor or improve my grammar. Maybe the letter seems unnatural. Show me each strange moment at the text.
    I will be grateful if you help me with this exercise. I think I will put others my letters here, because I want to have a very good result.

    And I repeat: it is NOT my homework.

    Thanks in advance.
    Nickle.
    If I have made any mistakes, please tell me about them. I need to improve my English anyway and I hope you'll help me.

    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
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    • Join Date: Jan 2010
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    #2

    Re: Check my letter.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nicklexoxo View Post
    Hello everyone.


    It This is not my homework. I try tried (past tense because you have already written the letter) to write a letter in English,(Stop here and start a new sentence). because In the an exam I will have this exercise, therefore, I want to improve my writing skills and etc. I do not have a teacher who could can check it instead of you, so I put it here.


    C1.
    You have 20 minute to do this task.
    you have received a letter from your friend who writes:


    Dear Andrew,
    I really need your advice. The problem is my relationships relationship with the my classmates. You know I don't smoke and they say I'm still a baby. That's not true! I don't want to smoke. It's my personal style (It may be a "style" but "choice" is a better word), I think smoking is dangerous for my health.
    What do you think on the problem ("think on the problem"? No, no, no. "think about this problem")? How can I persuade them (Persuade them to do what?) ?


    Yours,
    Sasha.

    ---If you found this exercise in a book - get another book. ---

    my letter is:


    Dear Sasha,
    Thanks for your letter. It was great to hear from you. In your letter you asked my advice about your relationship's (relationship problem - the relationship doesn't have a problem, the people in the relationship do) problem, therefore I am writing it ("it" doesn't say much. How about "therefore I am sending you some advice"?).
    So, I think if they do not want to be friends with you, because you do not smoke, I really believe that you do not need them. You can find another other friends without bad habits. Do not get upset! On In my opinion, do not try to persuade them, because it is useless process (Of course it your opinion, you wrote it. You could write it this way "In my opinion you should not try...").
    And at the ending of my letter I would like to ask you some a question: Do you like practise a sport for to improve your health? How are is your family (Use "is' here because a family is considered as being one thing)? Tell me more about it (About what, the family?).


    Write Soon.
    Yours sincerely,
    Andrew


    *Write a letter to Sasha. in your letter express your opinion and advise him what to do.
    ** Write 100-150 words.

    Please read it attentively and show my mistakes. Maybe I need to expend (expand, expend is to spend. For example, "I will expend all of my energy in the task. The task will expand my knowledge) my vocabluary, because the letter seems poor or improve my grammar. Maybe the letter seems unnatural. Show me each strange moment at the text.
    I will be grateful if you help me with this exercise. I think I will put others my letters here, because I want to have a very good result.

    And I repeat: it This is NOT my homework.

    Thanks in advance.
    Nickle.
    On the positive side, your letter is understandable. It does need some improvement. Here is a bit of advice that may help you. Your sentences do not have to be long to be correct. Shorter sentences are easier to work with. When you write long sentences you may end up confusing the reader by having more than one idea in the sentence.

    "This" shows points to a particular item - This is my letter.

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